Marc's maniacal/meandering musings.

Diamonds.

2010-03-01T10:59:00.001-05:00

'Da Fuzz' or 'Taco Fuzz'

2009-02-09T11:20:00.000-05:00

Welcome to this very unique blog that I guarantee has a concept you won't have
seen anywhere else...probably because no-one else is as crazy as me and
thought up such an idea. And what idea is that? Well, I was watching
the local news the other week and they were saying that local law
enforcement is cracking down on the the clients of prostitutes who use
Craigslist to receive their services. As such they are posting their
own ads with fake women in the hope that the 'John' will turn up for a
scheduled appointment and then he'll be arrested. So here is a blog
with a spattering of ads and I'm just going to guess whether they're
taco fuzz or da fuzz! Let us begin.....

So this hottie below goes by the name of 'Sexy Brunette' and she's 24 years old
charging 200/hr. Hmmm, now I tend to think that if this woman was
genuine she could quite easily get herself a rich man and wouldn't need
to resort to prostitution. She also looks too glamorous with too hot of
a figure to be advertising herself on Craigslist. I don't know about
you but I'm calling this on the side of law enforcement or just a
genuine scam.
Verdict: Da Fuzz!

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Ms DeVine is an inetersting case subject as she offers the service...and I quote B**B**B**J**AVAIL*ABLE!!!"
Now I know what a BJ is but a BBBJ?!?!? And does it make it more special
that it's in bold, capitalized red letters? Charging only $150/h MS
Devine goes on to tell us she has:

Stunning soft bedroom brown eyes, and curves in each and every perfect place.

Perhaps it's just me but I wouldn't be surprised to find she has a banana like
curve with a couple of grape curves hanging between her legs. On this
one I'm in no doubt...except for the sexuality!
Verdict: Taco fuzz! Or perhaps banana fuzz.

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So perhaps you're throwing a party for you friend's 21st...maybe it's your
last night of freedom before you get married....what could be more
appealing than an overweight Asian woman with a forehead the size of a
plasma tv and a face like Jabba the Hut?

This lady does give out her phone number but no information on price. The
question is though whether she's da fuzz or taco fuzz? I have to say
I'm torn on this one as her pics are all semi-professionally done which
seems a tad upscale for someone advertising on Craigslist. However, if
you were law enforcement wouldn't you want to entice the guys and not
scare them away?!?
Verdict: Jury's out on this one.

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Do you like heading North? Then this girl could be your dream as she's
from Canada! A mix of Ebony and French she is, apparently, a grad
student who needs extra money to see her through college. And as a
bonus she can also bring her gorgeous Canadian friend along too if you
want two females. Heck, I'm assuming it's two females as she didn't
specify the gender of her friend. Judging this from the unlikely ad and
generic photo I'm guessing her friend will also bring handcuffs...and
not in a good way!
Verdict: Da fuzz.

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This is Carolina...

Carolina claims that her pics are 100% real. No shit...who the hell is gonna
fake something that looks like that. Carolina is also one of the
cheapest lays on Craigslist and you can't help but think of the old
saying, "You get what you pay for." In this economy how is Carolina
still in business? Shit, how is Carolina still in business in any
economy!?!?!
Verdict: Man dangle!

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Michelle Passion. Now there's a name that conjures up the image of a fairly sexy woman. And when she goes on to say....

Standing a short 5'3"
very petite with soft natural curves,
a sweet smile, seductive dark brown eyes.
My hair is a golden red that drops just below my shoulders.

So far I'm thinking law enforcement as she seems too good to be true and then she adds that finishing touch...

As always my pictures are up to date so you can always expect what you see.

I don't believe for one minute this is genuine....got to be law enforcement having a laugh.
Verdict: Da fuzz.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sexy is back!!! At least that is the title which Leeah put on her ad but one click onto her profile and you're thinking, "Yeah, back in 1970 perhaps and that's being generous.".

Leeah only services gentlemen over 30...possibly because anyone younger just might give her a heart attack. You'll be glad (or not) to hear she has a youthful energy. Judging by the pics that's the only youthful thing about her. Perhaps law enforcement are not making enough arrests in the 80+ demographic but I doubt it and that's why the verdict reads...
Verdict: Taco Fuzz

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you ever watch the movie 'Grease'? Well, I guess Rizzo has hit hard times.

But don't be mistaken by the picture this is versatility at its finest...or so her ad says. So versatile she'll take anybody's money....guys/girls/couples and she'll probably do your sheep too if you ask nicely. I'm certain this woman is real and I might actually sue her as she goes by the name 'Luscious' and that sure as hell aint luscious...false advertising. Nevertheless if she shaves her hair off and paints herself green she would make a bloody wonderful Shrek!
Verdict: Taco Fuzz.

And that's your lot for now.

My top 11 wrestling babes.

2008-07-07T09:56:00.000-04:00

For as far back as I can recall I've enjoyed professional wrestling. Even when WWE hadn't yet made it to British television I would buy wrestling magazines and keep up to date on all the happenings. Back then it was very much a male dominated business. Nowadays it's more female friendly and it's not unusual to see any number of 'divas' on any given telecast...some are there for their looks and some for their talent. As these female performers evolve every so often one comes along that just has the 'IT' factor and these are my top eleven (couldn't narrow it down to 10) wrestling babes who have had/still have the 'IT' factor in my humble opinion.

Shelley Martinez - Ms Martinez signed a contract with WWE back in 2005. Perhaps best known for playing Ariel, a Gothic and very sexual vampire valet (bite me baby!), she gained huge popularity. In 2007 Shelley got into a heated argument backstage with Batista and shortly afterward was released from her contract. Coincidence? Probably not as Batista is known to have a lot of pull backstage. Shelley can now be seen on TNA wrestling as Salinas or on various adult websites with her clothes off. Check 'em both out!

Kristal Marshall - Ms Marshall is another former WWE employee who also appeared from 2005-2007. She was released from her contract with the WWE after refusing to take part in a storyline that involved a more adult related theme. Her boyfriend, former WWE superstar Bobby Lashley, was unhappy about this and quit the company. I guess he reasoned things the way I would....stay in WWE and get thrown around and beaten by guys 200lb plus or stay at home and bang this fine piece of ass all day and night? No contest....Kristal is a hands down winner.

Layla-El - A current WWE diva Layla has recently been moved to the flagship program Raw. The reason for this is a possible push on television to give her more exposure for a possible Playboy shoot around Wrestlemania time next year. Here's to hoping!

Terri Poch - Known as Tori in her WWE stint from 1998 -2001. During that time she was a valet for X-Pac and was, herself, an accomplished wrestler. She currently owns and runs her own yoga studio in Portland which means this hottie is no stranger to flexible positions...such are dreams!!

Trish Stratus - Arguably the most famous of all female wrestlers Trish, already a world renowned fitness model, joined the WWE in 2000 before retiring in 2006. Real name Patricia Anne Stratigias she was voted diva of the decade by WWE fans and is still talked about fondly amongst its loyal followers. Just like the previous diva Trish now runs her own yoga studio and that fact will give me happy thoughts for years to come! Trish being a Toronto native I might just enroll for some lessons on my next trip up there.

Melina Perez - A former beauty queen Melina started out her career as valet to tag team MNM in WWE. After they went their separate ways Melina became a singles star and is always actively involved on Monday nights. Famous for her ring entrance that includes a jump onto the apron followed by the splits underneath the bottom rope I wouldn't be surprised if she opened a yoga school some day also. I might hate spicy food but Melina is one Mexican dish I would love to eat.

Stacy Keibler - Renowned worldwide for her outrageously long legs Stacy is a former WCW and WWE diva. Now I might not be into tall leggy blonds but I'm not stupid and know a hottie when I see one and she is all the way fine! Stacy is currently pursuing an acting career that has seen her play minor roles in movies and tv shows and she came runner up on the American version of 'Dancing with the Stars'.

Linda Miles - Known as Shaniqua in her WWE stint because goodness knows that Linda just doesn't sound "black" enough for WWE. She entered the WWE via winning their now defunct tv show 'Tough Enough'. Unfortunately Linda has faded from the public spotlight and now works as a study hall enforcer for a high school in Cincinnati. Shame really as she had the facial beauty and the awesome body that should have seen her go a lot further in her WWE career than she did.

Midajah - The former valet to Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner in WCW Midajah gained instant popularity for her incredible figure and facial beauty. A former fitness model. I can't claim to know much else about this tamale other than she's the type of woman you dream of marrying when you grow up. Oh well, maybe in my next life.

Terri - A mainstay of the WWE for many years this 42 year old milf is aging like a fine wine. Not many women can look innocent and sexy all at the same time but Terri has it down to a fine art. Cute, sexy and sassy there aren't many who could work the crowd like Terri with her blatant sexuality and incredible figure. Hopefully she'll be back in the wrestling big leagues some day soon.

Daffney Unger - Real name Shannon Spruill 'Daffney' came to fame in WCW where she was the valet for David Flair. During his bouts Daffney would scream at the top of her lungs and it earned her the nickname 'The Queen of Scream'. Ironically I would make her scream even louder with pleasure and most definitely hunger for Unger!

The Sesame Saga

2008-07-07T09:55:00.000-04:00

After only five hours sleep, due to working late the previous night, 6am arrived taunting me in the knowledge I had to suppress my tiredness and get out of bed. As usual, morning movement in my pants let me know that 'Slimey' was hoping for some action with Gabby before I departed my futon but it was not to be...perhaps we would run into her on Sesame Street later.

Leaving at 6:45am with my two daughters and their mother we departed on a journey to Ernie and the rest of his Sesame pals. All was well. It was a sunny day, everything was aye okay, and we were on our way to where the air was sweet.

Ten minutes or so before 10am we arrived at Sesame Place.

On entering the park I applied healthy amounts of suntan lotion to all my exposed areas, an act that I repeated at least four times throughout the day, and applied some shades to my exposed eyes. The cool sensation of the darkness blotting out the searing sun was a relief and I could see properly without squinting...and there in the distance I spotted 'The Count'. After a short couple of minutes in line Asia and India approached 'The Count' to have their picture taken with him and like Sesame reruns something occurred that would happen over and over throughout the day....Asia started crying.

After a few rides and lunch (which was so expensive and tasted so bad it brought out my inner Oscar) we headed to the pools. It was the moment all the patrons had been waiting for; I removed my shirt. Now there were plenty of other white people at the park, probably about 80% of patrons but I can tell you that none of them were whiter than me. Bless my English genes. By the end of the day none of them were as burnt as me. Bless my English genes.

The day passed by fairly quickly with India going on every ride she could and a few of them more than once. Asia, on the other hand, cried on the rides and spent most of her time splashing in the pool...happier than Ernie in a bath full of rubber duckies. India also got to take part in a live version of 'Elmo's World'. Oddly enough Elmo looks a lot smaller on tv as you would never guess he was 6ft tall in real life. As for me I played it cool and went on few rides because they're all for children. I did however go on Grover's roller coaster which wasn't scary at all. Ahem.

Then the time arrived...Oscar was available for pictures. So I lined up with India and Asia and noticed that in that big trashcan of Oscar's, where he resides, the top of a female head would appear very briefly right behind him from time to time...seems Oscar has more to be happy about than he's letting on. You go player.

I never would have thought that Sesame Place would have a lot in common with Burlesque but the exposed amounts of flesh at the park should have the two matched up. You would think that would make me happy, and there were one or two beautiful sights, but never - and I mean never - had I seen so much cellulite in one place. It made me want to go the nearest gift shop and furnish the park patrons in clothing regardless of the huge debts I would rack up. Not sure they made clothing in some of the required sizes though.

After the 7pm parade we departed for home and a journey that was smoother than Gabby's skin on the way there became more problematic than Trash Gordon's adventures on the way back. Sara, listening to her stomach, had to have a Wendy's and spotting one took a turn that "advanced" us onto a toll road and cost us about 45mins and tolls we need not have payed. Upon stopping for food Asia woke up and then when we set off again she cried and screamed hysterically so we had to pull into the next rest area and spent thirty minutes calming her down. Then I had to sit in the back seat, more cramped up than a Snuffleupagus convention with free meatballs and spaghetti, and keep her calm and amused for the rest of the journey.

By the time we arrived back at 12:30am I was worn out but Asia had other ideas that didn't involve sleeping. Finally though sleep arrived and curled up like Big Bird in his nest I departed for the land of nod.

Still no Gabby (real name: Desiree Casado...age 19 just in case you were wondering).

My top 10 tv shows of the 80s.

2008-07-07T09:54:00.000-04:00

What was I watching in the 80s? What were my favourites? Oooh, the suspense.

Family Ties - One of my childhood heroes starred in Family Ties as Michael P Keaton....Michael J Fox. I always admired how he had a poster of himself above his bed. How cool was that?!? Shame this programme ended as it really was funny apart from the episodes which were just too moralistic. However, it rocked!

Star Trek: The Next Generation - I never really liked the original Star Trek and didn't take to TNG straight away. It wasn't long though before it became one of my favourite tv shows of all time and I became a geek...assuming I wasn't one already. I'm not using the intro for this one but the TNG rap by 'Those Aren't Muskets".

Quantum Leap - The greatest tv show of all time? Could well be. I don't recall a tv show ever making my eyes stream tears apart from this one. It was the last ever episode where Al got to be with his long lost wife and we found out Sam never got to "leap" home thus spending his life putting the wrong things right.

The A-Team - When you look back at this show and see that all the episodes had the same storyline it's a wonder it was a big as success as it was. Of course, as a young teen I thought it was the coolest show around and it was people like me that led to 98 episodes being made. Here's the intro....Lego style!

Baywatch - How could I not watch a show that starred Yasmine Bleeth in her prime? It went on to become the most successful tv show on the planet...EVER! With stars such as The Hoff, Pam Anderson, Tracy Bingham, Carmen Electra and Billy Warlock all playing regular roles on the show it's popularity was immense with a total of 199 episodes being shot followed by another two seasons of 'Baywatch Hawaii".

The Professionals - Do you recall Bodie and Doyle? They were 'The Professionals' and it was a mainstay of British tv for years. It could well have started in the 70s but I do recall playing 'The Professionals' on the school playground when I was about 8years old which makes my recollection of this tv show somewhere around 1982.

Married With Children - Back in the day Christina Applegate was a total sex symbol thanks to this show although it was also great entertainment and not my sole reason for watching. With its sharp witt and great scripts it ran for an astounding 259 episodes before it ended.

The Young Ones - This was an incredibly popular show in Britain that only actually ran for 12 episodes. It consisted of four students each with a unique character...Mike - the cool, ladies man....Neil - The drug abusing hippie....Vyvian - the violent punk....Rik - the anti-fascist activist. Neil went on to have a No.1 hit song with 'Hole in my Shoe' and the whole group had a No.1 hit with 'Living Doll'. I made a Vyvian hand puppet back in the day!

Red Dwarf - We British make the best comedies and nowhere more is that shown in the classic series Red Dwarf. Admittedly it became crap in later seasons when they ran out of ideas and even the sexy Chloe Annett couldn't save it but let's remember the good times!

V - Yep, just a one letter title but this show was something else. Aliens visit earth and start harvesting humans. I couldn't miss an episode of this show although I'll be damned if I could tell you how it ended...did it even have a proper ending?

And that's your lot. I'm sure there are plenty more I can't even recall.

The top 10 tv shows I watched in the 70s.

2008-07-07T09:53:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm old enough to recall the 70s...very vaguely though! As such here are the ten tv shows I watched the most accompanied by their tv theme if I can find them all. You may recall some of these as being 80s tv shows but I'm going by their original air date and these all began their runs in the 70s. Are you ready to cast your mind back?

CHiPs - Yep, the show that made Erik Estrada a household name and that sent the blond guy into tv oblivion. It was on nearly every Saturday evening after the sport shows finished and what did CHiPs stand for...Californian Highway Patrol is CHiPs.

Starsky & Hutch - One of the greatest cop shows in tv history with, arguably, one of the greatest tv themes in history. Shame about the movie remake but life isn't perfect I suppose.

Space: 1999 - I can't recall when this was on tv...I would guess on Sunday's but it was one I always watched. The highlight was a character named Maya who could change into anything she wanted too. She also had the strangest eyebrows ever. They should bring this one back!

Buck Rogers in 25th Century - Poor Buck was hurtled five hundred years into the future by a freak space accident and never got back home. Never mind as he had a little robot with a male nob-shaped head who often spurted "Twiggy twiggy twiggy twiggy...okay Buck." or something to that effect. It was difficult to feel sorry for Buck though as he did get to co-exist with Erin Gray who only sported one piece clinging outfits.

The Amazing Spiderman - Long before Spiderman found new fame with his recent movies Nicholas Hammond portrayed him in this tv series (as well as a few movies). It was one of my favourite programmes back in the day but I have to admit it has the worst generic theme I've ever heard. What was wrong with the traditional Spiderman theme?

Diff'rent Strokes - Not sure why "Diff'rent" is hyphenated but I don't know of anyone who hasn't seen this show. Unfortunately childhood stardom leads to fucked up adults as usual with Todd Bridges becoming a drug addict, Dana Plato overdosing and dying and good old Gary Coleman having a breakdown. Still this show ran for 186 episodes and is one of the most successful shows of all time.

Wonder Woman - Yet another superhero that captured my imagination when I was younger. Oddly enough Linda Carter lives just down the road from where I live now. A catchy theme tune that hooks you from the get go that the Spiderman producers should have taken note of!

Sapphire and Steele - Not familiar with Sapphire and Steele? Just think a 70s version of Mulder and Scully and you're there. This show really spooked me as a kid (it began in 1979 so I was only five years old) but I still have fond memories of it today which came flooding back after seeing some clips online. And the intro...very weird indeed.

Return of the Saint - This is a follow up to 'The Saint' starring Roger Moore with Ian Ogilvy reprising the role. I don't actually recall much about the show but the opening theme is a classic. Unfortunately I couldn't find the English version but the one below is the same opening with altered music.

Fantasy Island - What the frig was this show about? You know, I couldn't tell you...I just recall watching it week in week out. Of course the tv theme stands out easily for the weird little Latin guy shouting "The plane! The plane!!"

And that is ten. Shame really because I never got around to such luminaries as:

The Man from Atlantis
The Muppet Show
B.J. and the Bear
Battlestar Galactica
Streets of San Francisco
Six Million Dollar Man
The Fall Guy
Mork and Mindy
Planet of the Apes
Logan's Run
Kojak
The Incredible Hulk
Hart to Hart
Blakes 7
Charlie's Angels
Bionic Woman

And if you know of even half of those then you're as ancient as I am!

The top 10 people you know...but don't know.

2008-07-07T09:52:00.002-04:00

Bit of a confusing title, huh? Well this blog is a list of ten performers that you will have crossed paths with somewhere in your tv/movie viewing life but would probably not recognize if you fell over them in the street. All will become clear. In no particular order let's begin...

Kevin Clash - You might not be familiar with the name but I'll bet you know exactly who his alter-ego is...a furry red monster named Elmo. Yep, this guy below is actually the creator and voice of Elmo.

Carroll Spinney - Contrary to how the name might sound Carroll is actually a guy. He too works down on Sesame Street and you might know him better for the voices of Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch who are characters he created. He also used to be the guy inside Big Bird...ooh, that sounds bestially rude doesn't it!

Nancy Cartwright - Does the name ring a bell? Probably does as it appears at the beginning of every Simpsons episode. And which female character does Nancy play? None of them as she is Bart Simpson.

Dan Castellaneta - Probably the most famous of the Simpsons cast Dan plays Homer as well as many other of the regular characters that appear on The Simpsons.

Julie Kavner - So what about Marge? Well....

Yeardley Smith - And Lisa...

Don LaFontaine - You ever watch a movie and that guy with the deep, rumbling voice seems to do the voice overs on nearly all the trailers? And then after the movie he's voicing over commercials on tv. This is him....

Anthony Daniels - Sometimes the man behind the mask is exactly what you would expect him to look like...in this case, gay! Mr Daniels is the one and only C3PO in the Star Wars movies.

Mel Blanc - This guy is arguably the most famous voice of them all on this list. If you haven't heard his characters then you were born deaf. He is the voice of many including Bugs Bunny, Tweetie, Porky Pig and Sylvester the cat. Yep, he voiced nearly all the WB classic cartoon characters until his death.

Seth McFarlane - Last, but by no means least, is Seth who not only created Family Guy and American Dad but does the lead voices in both those sitcoms...whether he is portraying Stewie or Peter in FG or Stan in AD you're probably not familiar with how he looks. Until now....

And that, as they say, is a wrap.

Book review: The Year so far.

2008-07-07T09:52:00.001-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a bookworm...actually, make that a booksnake for more reasons than one. As such I get through my fair share of books and this is a review of the ones I've read so far this year which amounts to about a couple of books every month.

Doom: Knee-Deep in the Dead - At the beginning of the year I had a bunch of gift cards to spend and there were not enough books I wanted to use up those cards. I saved some of the plastic money but branched out a bit when I decided to try this novel. It is what you would expect if you've ever played the game and although I enjoyed it I haven't felt compelled to get any other of the novels in this series.
Grade C : Neither here nor there.

Kiss: Behind the Mask - The official authorized biography of Kiss takes us into the childhoods of the rock quartet then follows their lives as they progress into adulthood and through the tribulations of being one of the biggest rock bands of all time. I really like Kiss but got bored with this biography about a third of the way through. The first part of the book is great and gives you a look at the lives of the memebers before they were famous. After that it's just page after page of band squabbling and break-ups and reunions etc. The second half of the book is just a discography with a little paragraph on how each song came to be.
Grade D : Not enough sex, drugs and rock n roll to keep me interested.

Wolverine: Nature of the Beast - Imagine Wolverine without his adamantium skeleton and full healing power. What your left with is the Wolverine in this book. I enjoyed this novel but it was too far out of the ballpark for my liking at times...talking tigers, monkey men, fat kids bouncing around like balls. Still, not too shabby.
Grade B- : A story well told but just too far-fetched at times.

Madhouse - I enjoyed the previous two novels in this series and loved this one also. Some people complained about the ending but it left me eager to read the next installment of this series involving goblins, werewolves, Pan and the like. At the moment it seems you can't go wrong with Rob Thurman.
Grade A: Highly recommended.

The Ultimates: Against all Enemies - This is the second Ultimates book and although I enjoyed the first one this second one was a knock-out punch. A great book with characterization that is just awesome. I love the breakdown between these heroes and in case you're not familiar with the Ultimates they're an alternative world version of the Avengers (Iron Man, Capt America, Thor etc).
Grade A: How a superhero novel should be.

Hellboy: Emerald Hell - After the debacle that was the previous Hellboy novel I was longing for this series to get back on track with the release of Emerald Hell. Well, it found the track but strayed off of it on too many ocassions for my liking. The problem with this novel is that Hellboy is almost a secondary character and he's not really required in terms of the storyline. It felt like Tom Piccirilli had a story already in mind and just added Hellboy to it to.
Grade B- : Well written but nothing that's uniquely Hellboy.

Infinite Crisis: What happens when Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman are all on different pages? A crisis. I've been hard on Greg Cox in the past as I feel he just 'mails in' a lot of his novels but this one is definitely a great read. Complicated yet structured well...there's a lot going on...with lots of different characterizations of alternate heroes from other universes this had to be very difficult to write.
Grade A : If you like the DC Universe get out and buy this already.

52 - The follow up to Infinte Crisis deals with what happens on earth with Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman out of commision. New heroes step forward with alarming results. Black Adam (a middle Eastern superman) is awesome in this novel and kills two million innocent people with his bare hands. Can he be stopped?
Grade A- : Didn't like Booster Gold as a hero which brought this down a little bit for me considering he's a main character.

The Crow: Wicked Prayer - Dark, gothic and true to The Crow series this novel comes highly recommended from me. Enjoyed the characters, storyline and the descriptions of Kyra Damon naked!
Grade B+ : One of the better Crow novels.

The Crow: Temple of Night - The seedy nightlife of Bangkok is explored in this Crow novel. Very gruesome and sadistic and sexual this is not for the faint of heart.
Grade B : A good read.

The Crow: The Lazarus Heart - This novel left me torn and I couldn't figure out whether I liked it or not. It had some good points but at other points it was dull and drawn out. Definitely a thumbs in the middle.
Grade C+ : Hmmm, not entirely convinced but not too shabby either.

The top 10 items in my house that define who I am.

2008-07-07T09:51:00.000-04:00

The following list represents who I am. These are the objects around my home that tell a little story about me and who I am.

My Bookshelf/Books - This is my bookshelf which is full of literary goodness. My favourite thing to do is settle in with a good book and pass the hours reading. I guess the bookshelf/books define my solitude where I can regress into silent lucidity. My books are me.

My Ab-Roller - This defines who I am physically....toned and slim. Although I don't roll 'em abs religiously I probably do it about 50 reps three times a week. I'm naturally insecure so having hard abs gives me confidence and can make me feel better about myself.

Bottles & Toys - These represent me as a father. The toys are symbolic of India and the bottles are symbolic of Asia. The most important part of my life are my children and so the toys & bottles represent me as a father.

The Crow Figurine - I'm a romantic at heart and love the whole concept of The Crow...coming back from the dead to put the wrong things right. I mean, really, what could be more romantic than love that transcends death. Me, the romantic in a weird, off the cuff kind of way.

The Computer - Where would I be without a computer? Quite frankly it's my window to the outside world. The way I keep in touch with friends and relatives. The reason I'm blogging now. The way I met my wife...perhaps I should get rid of it!! The computer is as important as food and drink in my life. The computer represents my social life.

Condoms - It's not like I ever have the opportunity to use them but the condoms represent my sexuality. I'm a very sexual person...very visual in my desires. Sex and I go hand in hand...at least we did until marriage. It didn't kill the desires though and the condoms represent my lust, love and desire.

The Toronto Skyline - There's a song that goes, "I left my heart in San Fransisco...". I used to think a transplant had gone wrong. As it happens part of me resides in Toronto...always will. I'll never be fully happy in Silver Spring and so Toronto represents my longing and desire.

Bobble Heads - It's not the bobble heads themselves but who they are...Spider-Man, Wolverine & Nightcrawler. I have an undying fascination with the superhero universe. I go to sleep every night hoping to wake-up with the powers of Superman. They represent my dreams and fantasies.

Medications - We all have our good and bad days. My bad days can last months and be very bad. I'm diagnosed as a severe depressive and should take medications daily. I can't afford healthcare so my health suffers and I battle suicidal thoughts fairly often. Medications represent the dark side of me.

Liverpool Jersey - Soccer is not about life & death...it's much more important than that. I'm a lifelong Liverpool supporter and will be until the day I die. Thus the Liverpool jersey represents my heritage and my loyalty.

And there you have it. If you were to make a similar list what objects would represent you?
Peace out.
Marc

The top 10 songs that prove AC/DC are perverts!

2008-07-07T09:50:00.000-04:00

Now don't take the word "perv" the wrong way as it's not necessarily a bad thing but AC/DC do have a tendency to write songs that portray their lust for women. As such here is the top 10 that prove that:

The Jack - Being famous and getting lots of sex has its drawbacks and one of those is getting gonorrhea off a groupie. But if you're AC/DC you turn the experience into a song and make it earn you a lot of money. Yep, the jack is about the clap.
Perv lines: "But i made her cry/ And i made her scream/ I took her high/And i curdled her cream."

Whole Lotta Rosie - Just as with 'The Jack' Bon Scott took a real life incident and turned it into a hit song. As the title suggests this song is about Rosie and there's a whole lot of her...19 stone to be exact (264lbs). But, damn, Rosie fucked him all night long and was one of the best fucks he ever had.
Perv lines: "All through the night time/ And right around the clock/ To my surprise/ Rosie never stops."

Big Balls - This is the most double meaning song in the history of the world. With tongue in cheek it's claimed to be about ballroom dancing but don't expect to hear it played on 'Dancing with the Stars' anytime soon.
Perv lines: "And my balls are always bouncing/ My ballroom always full/ And everybody cums and cums again."

You Shook Me All Night Long - If you haven't figured this one out yet by the title it's another real life incident turned into a hit song. Seems to be the norm with AC/DC songs!
Perv lines: " Taking more than her share/ Had me fighting for air/ She told me to come but i was already there/ 'cause the walls start shaking/ The earth was quaking..."

Touch Too Much - After the previous songs do I even need to tell you the synopsis?!? Not the best of songs though...sounds more like an album track.
Perv lines: "She wanted it hard/ And wanted it fast/ She liked it done medium rare"

Mistress For Christmas - This is a fun song off the 'Blow Up Your Video' album which I think was the first AC/DC album I bought. From there it led on to the classics with far greater material but I always have a soft spot for 'Blow Up Your Video' and hell it seems AC/DC foretold my future Christmas list.
Perv lines: "Listen, I like female form in minimal dress/ Money to spend with a capital S/ Get a date with the woman in red/ Wanna be in heaven with three in a bed."
Bonus perv line: "I wanna ride on your reindeer honey and ring the bells."

Let Me Put My Love Into You Babe - This is such a sing along song with its catchy tune and simple arrangement. Heck, if it wasn't about wanting to bang some punnany I wouldn't be surprised to hear it on Barney!
Perv lines: "Let me put my love into you, babe/ Let me put my love on the line/ Let me put my love into you, babe/ Let me cut your cake with my knife."

Hard As A Rock - Not one of the more famous AC/DC songs but one that fits perfectly in this list. The title says it all really and this song makes you want to have mash for dinner!
Perv lines: "Her hot potatoes/ Will elevate you/ Her bad behavior/ Will leave you standing proud/ Hard as a rock."

Heatseaker - This song aint about no missile...well, it is actually. It's about that love missile between a guy's legs and it's a heatseaker!
Perv Lines: " Ya gotta keep that woman firin/ You gotta keep that circuit clean/ You gotta make her sound the siren/ You gotta hear that lady scream/ Cos Im a heatseeker."

Given The Dog A Bone - The dog in question is a woman. The bone is a penis. And like all dogs she wants the bone in her mouth. I'm not saying it's not disgustingly sexist and degrading but that's AC/DC for you.
Perv lines: "Oh, shes blowing me crazy/ Till my ammunition is dry/ Oh, shes using her head again/ Shes using her head/ Oh, shes using her head again/ Im just a givin the dog a bone."

And there you have it. I could have chosen about ten more as they really are a bunch of horn dogs but ten is enough don't you think?

My top 10 songs that get me singing along.

2008-07-07T09:49:00.000-04:00

Music is a drug. If you didn't know that then let me explain why. Listening to a song you really like can make you happy by releasing endorphins in your brain. As such it has the same type of effect as anti-depressants. Being a depressive bastard it sometimes helps me if I put on a favourite song or two that get me singing along and release some happy chemicals. As such here are my top ten songs, in no particular order, that nearly always get me singing along and give me a bit of a lift:

Credence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising - Now here's a strange one to start out my list. The title itself tells you it's not a positive song. The lyrics tell you it's not a positive song. The music, on the other hand, accompanied with the vocal arrangement makes this sound like one very happy song. It's very odd indeed to be singing along about how bad times are ahead yet be happy about it. Classic Credence!

Tavares - Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel - Dig that 70s disco beat man! If you don't end up singing along to this song then you're not human....or you're deaf. An all time great that will forever stand the test of time.

John Lennon - Instant Karma - Yep, John Lennon made a song that wasn't depressive. Can you believe it? This song will have you shining on like the moon and the stars and the sun. But beware...instant karma's gonna get you.

The Monkees - Daydream Believer - This is one of those songs that I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to but should I hear it on the radio or it comes up on my ipod playlist you bet your last dollar I'll end up singing along to it.

ABC - When Smokey Sings - This is one of my all time favourite songs. Everything about this song is just class in a glass. It's a shame it wasn't a bigger hit than it was but sometimes songs just don't get the success they deserve while others that are crap become major hits.

The All-American Rejects - Move Along - I first heard move along when watching WWE. They were having their annual diva contest and this was the song that accompanied the divas to the ring each week. Perhaps the happiness doesn't just come from the song but from the memory of those sexy divas wearing next to nothing! Nah, great song that will have your feet tapping in a heartbeat.

Brotherhood of Man - Save All Your Kisses For Me - Remember when England ruled the Eurovision song contest? If so, then you're old! Forget the crap we enter nowadays this song was a killer. Is it cool? No. Is it popular? No. Is it embarrassing to sing along to? Hell yeah! But it's a classic that will stick in your head for days after just one hearing. Also makes me want to grow a dodgy looking 'tasche!

Elephant Man - Pon De River - I don't even know what the hell this song is about. Pon de river? Eh?!? It sounds damn good though and has you singing along in your own words because the real ones are too difficult to decipher.

The Foundations - Build Me Up Buttercup - This song has the same ingredients as the previously mentioned CCR song. It's lyrically negative yet somehow it's a feel good song that will have you playing it a few times in a row singing along all the way.

Badiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions - This might be a strange choice as it's a very specific song aimed at a certain moment in time. However I challenge any Englishman to play this song and not sing along and become all patriotic. Football's coming home....someday!

And there you have it. It's very difficult narrowing it down to ten songs and there were other groups just waiting to be added to the list such as The Hothouse Flowers, AC/DC, ABBA, ZZ Top, Robbie Williams etc. However I decided to make my choices from different genres and time periods so there was a nice mix which meant I couldn't fit in Wizard so no wishing it could Christmas everyday this year. :o)

My top 10 rock songs of all time.

2008-07-07T09:48:00.000-04:00

A top ten list is very subjective at best but I'm going to indulge in some of my top tens. The first off is rock/metal songs. As I'm making this list I'm only allowing a group or artist to be represented one time and I'm not putting the songs in any particular order....there'll just be ten of them.

AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long - Being my all time favourite group they were going to be represented and it was just a matter of picking the song. And what a tough choice that was as there's so many AC/DC classics. I could of chosen any of about twenty songs but I think the line about "knocking me out with those American thighs" won it for me and if you look at mt profile page you can see why!

Lifehouse - First Time - A modern rock group that just plays good old fashioned rock music with the odd ballad thrown in for good luck. This particular song would definitely be in my all time favourite top three. They're probably more famous for the worldwide hit 'Hanging by a Moment' which is good but not a classic.

Kiss - Sure Know Something - Boy is this song smooth. The simplicity of the arrangement and the sound of Paul Stanley's voice go together like cereal and milk. A great song that never gets old.

The Cure - Burn - I'm not a big fan of The Cure in general and they're not really a rock group but I do believe that 'Burn' transcends the emo/pop crap they usually do and ventures into rock territory. You might recognise 'Burn' as the theme of the movie 'The Crow'.

The Quireboys - Hey You - Here's a big hit from the 80s that faded into obscurity never to be remembered...except by me. I loved this song when it was first released and still love it today. A fine song is like a fine wine in that it gets better with age. A catchy chorus with a great tune makes this one of my all time favourites.

Iron Maiden - Run to the Hills - Historical biopics don't usually make great songs but Bruce Dickenson and the boys have made this a favourite amongst heavy metal fans. Maiden have had bigger hits but in my mind they've never had a better hit.

Motorhead - Louie Louie - Yes, Lemmie hardly has the greatest singing voice around. Yes, it's almost a sin not to like 'Ace of Spades' the most. But, yes, 'Louie Louie' is my favourite Motorhead song. Just listen to the chords that are played. They're genius in their simplicity and what's more it sounds great so the chords are played over and over and the lyrics hardly matter.

Aerosmith - Jaded - It wouldn't really be a top ten rock list without Aerosmith would it? As with AC/DC there was a whole bunch of songs I could have chosen but the feel good essence of this particular song is what makes it my personal favourite Aerosmith song.

Meat Loaf - Bat out of Hell - In many ways this is the classic rock song of my generation. It's groundbreaking in its musical arrangement and has Meat Loaf singing at the peak of his vocals. And like many a woman has found out....like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes!

Guns N' Roses - Yesterdays - I'm sure not many people would pick this particular song as their GNR favourite. I grew up on 'Appetite for Destruction' and although it paved the way for the 'Use Your Illusion' albums it wasn't quite as polished as UYI. Therefore I chose a more recent hit and I just always find myself singing along to 'Yesterdays' more than any other.

And there you have it. Only mentioning ten songs precludes a bunch of others that might have made it in on another day but for what it's worth I'm quite happy with the results.

The women in my life: Best of the rest.

2008-04-18T14:18:00.001-04:00

Sometimes when I've been adding to this blog series I've had women I wanted to induct but for whatever reason couldn't find enough high quality pictures of to make a full blog. As such this final installment consists of a number of women who weren't included in the previous 49:

Nikki Mckibbin - If American Idol was all about singing then wouldn't it take place on the radio instead of tv? Of course it would and the reason it's on tv is because it wants to be visual too. And none more so than in season one when Nikki Mckibbin sent the ratings, and my pulse, through the roof. Sexy, wild and a former stripper Nikki should have won the competition. However, she only came third but her legend lives on.

Antonella Barba - The only American Idol contestant who has matched the beauty of Ms McKibbin is Antonella Barba who was almost kicked off the show when her sexy pics were posted on the web. How sexy were the pics? Well, three seasons of Idol later and I'm still voting for Antonella on a weekly basis!

Ivette Corredero - You can't talk about the babes of reality tv without mentioning the awesome Ivette Corredero. This Latin beauty steamed up our screens for a whole season of Big Brother. Unfortunately she didn't win but she did win the adoration of men, and lesbians, the world over.

Jenasica Chakos - Another reality tv beauty although this time from America's Next Top Model. She was kicked out pretty early in season two and there was really only one reason why....Tyra was jealous about being upstaged by the sheer natural beauty of one of her contestants. That's what I think anyway.

Tyra Banks - And speaking of Tyra she may well pale into comparison when compared to Jenasica but I still wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting.

Daljit Dalhiwal - If there's something going on in the world then I like to hear the news delivered straight to me via my tv by Daljit. A former tv news anchor for Channel 4 news in England (and that news programme has the best theme tune of any news programme ever) before switching to the BBC Daljit can now be found reading the world news on BBC World no less. Daljit...the thinking man's bit of crumpet.

Patrice Harris - The BBC may have struck gold with Daljit but Baltimore's Fox 5 channel found its own nugget in Patrice Harris. Anchor for the morning news there's nothing more beautiful to wake up top of a morning than Patrice's smiling face. A fox hosting on fox....oh, the irony.

Sarah Silverman - There's something about a woman that can make you laugh and turn you on all at the same time. Sarah Silverman is that woman. A spicy tamale if there ever was one Sarah has gorgeous facial beauty and makes her living as a comedienne. Nice rack too baby!

Ellen Ewusie - One of Hollywood's rising stars Ellen has played roles in various movies and tv shows. Her defining moment came in the horror movie 'Pelts' where she played a stripper and showed us her very impressive body. It went well with her very impressive face and together we could make very impressive love so bring it on Ellen!

Sherin Nicole - Last, but certainly not least, the queen of sci-fi/fantasy Sherin Nicole. Not sure why her name is turned around so that a first name is a last name and last name is a first name but I'm assuming it's because she's hot whatever way you look at her...front or back. This siren brightens up the tv screens on Sundays hosting the Fantastic Forum and I must say her forum looks fantastic to me. Live long and prosper Ms Nicole.

And there we have it. The women in my life done and dusted. Hopefully it's been as fun to look at and read as I have found it to jack off to....er, I mean write.
Stay safe and may your God go with you.

The women in my life: Kim Kardashian

2008-04-18T14:17:00.000-04:00

There are many ways in life to become famous. However not many people go the route of Kim Kardashian who is famous for having a big ass and a sex tape. I've seen both of them and the fame is well deserved!

The ass and the tape has led on to many other ventures such as her own reality tv show and a spread in Playboy....except she wasn't spread if you know what I mean. Yeah, I know it was all available to see in her sex tape but it just annoys me when an adult magazine doesn't show the goods.

It's Playboy damn it....why is she covering herself up? Anyhow, Kim has eaten up the fame with gusto and all those fame calories must have gone to her ass as it remains one of the seven wonders of the world.

Her ass aside though I actually think Kim's sister is hotter. Her name is Kourtney and she's the diminutive one wearing the gold dress in this next picture...

The same can't be said for the other sister who looks like former WWE wrestler Chyna. Perhaps the mom was hot 30 years ago or something. Anyhow, Kim gets all the attention and as I've liked her longer than Kourtney she gets the prize of being the focus of today's blog.

C-ya next time for the final installment of 'The women in my life'.

The women in my life: Penelope Menchaca

2008-04-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

"If you've missed Menchaca you've missed a treat."
Marc Kelly.

Nothing like starting a blog with your own quote is there! Penelope Menchaca the immensely famous presenter of the hit Latin dating show '12 Corazones'.

The show itself is your standard fare dating show where the contestants do stupid things to win the affection of the opposite sex. The presenter...well she's far from standard fare.

Sassy and vibrant, bubbly and wild, and sexy as hell. Penelope steams up the screen in the shortest skirts you've ever seen and with shameless enthusiam is always dancing around and jiggling her well proportioned fun bags.

I might not be a fan of Latin food but after watching '12 Corazones' I'm always left with a hunger for eating Penelope's taco. And here's the odd thing...the show is all in Spanish so I don't understand a word of it.

Just goes to show that the language of love transcends all barriers. Besides who would need words with Penelope around....I would make sure my actions spoke louder than any words ever could. ;o) Today's mama sita....Penelope Menchaca.

The women in my life: Marina Sirtis

2008-04-18T14:14:00.000-04:00

It's time dear reader to boldly go where no man has gone before. Yes, I am searching out life on new planets. And what's that in the yonder? Looks like the planet Betazoid. And that there looks like Deanna Troy.

For nine years Marina Sirtis played Deanna Troy on The Next Generation which was one of my favourite progammes of all time. During that time she was never assimilated by the Borg but I can dream!

Outside of Star Trek: TNG Marina Sirtis doesn't quite live up to the character that she played. In fact one could use the phrase 'mutton dressed as lamb' if you were feeling cruel....

but due to my past association I'm going to refer to her as 'experienced'. Oh come on now you know you would. However, one sidenote for Marina that she might want to adhere to and I mean this in the nicest possible way...

If you're trying to look sexy cover up those man arms. Really, it almost looks like she's being hugged by a male bodybuilder who is out of shot. Let me forget that image, her arms at least, and think classic Deanna.

Hmmm, Betazoid goodness. Now all that remains is for me to go where I've never gone before and dock my Enterprise 8.2 in Marina's space station.

The women in my life: Maria Menounos

2008-04-15T13:11:00.001-04:00

If I was to throw out a teaser of....winning smile, gorgeous eyes and beautiful butt you would no doubt think of me! However, there is another that shares these traits and her name is Maria Menounos.

Ms Menounos is almost single handedly responsible for generating viewership on the most famous entertainment shows which was shown when she was poached away from Entertainment Tonight by rival show Access Hollywood. Noticing her poularity Hollywood came a calling and she has played several roles in movies.

But being a very smart cookie Maria branched beyond the acting and has started producing on tv shows and movies. No doubt a multi-millionairess already she encompasses the American dream....brains to spare, beauty to spare and money to spare and yet she's Greek so you explain it!

Oddly enough my wife thinks Maria Menounos looks like a mouse which is strange in the fact that if you rearrange the letters of her name you can make 'mouse in a manor', 'or man in a mouse'.

Personally, I think she's a fox. The delightful and ever sexy, even when she's not trying, Maria Menounos.

The women in my life: Jenna Dewan

2008-04-15T13:10:00.000-04:00

Although the name Jenna Dewan might not be familiar to you it would be surprising if you had never seen her before. She's a trained dancer who has appeared in videos for Justin Timberlake, P Diddy, Janet Jackson and Celine Dion amongst others.

Jenna is a former model who has appeared in many photo-shoots and she's an upcoming starlet who has played the lead roles in movies such as Step Up, The Grudge 2 and Tamara.

Tamara. Never have I seen a movie where the lead actress steamed up the screen more than Jenna did without resorting to nudity. From nerdy geek to sultry sex siren I spent most of that movie drooling over the Lebanese beauty. And it's easy to see why...

Tell me you wouldn't be drooling over her too! Let me philosophize: If I was Homer Simpson she would be my donut. Drrroooolllll.

As it happens I'm no Homer Simpson and I'm sure she tastes better than any donut. You know, I'm sure there's an eating pie/taco/banana split joke to be made here but I'm still too mesmerized by her performance in Tamara to think of it. Jenna Dewan I am a fan.

The women in my life: Kari Wuhrer

2008-04-12T09:38:00.001-04:00

You might know Kari from such movie classics as 'Eight Legged Freaks' or 'Higher Learning' but odds are you will recognize her from the tv show Sliders. You know, the one where every week they would "slide" out of one world and into another alternate time/version just hoping they slid back home.

If sliding from one reality to another was a real possibility then I really wouldn't mind sliding into a world inhabited by women who all looked like Kari.

Nope, I wouldn't be complaining at all....especially if that picture above was representative of that world's dress code. Yes, sliding should be made a reality because if I was ever caught in bed with Kari by the wife I could use the excuse that she must have just slid on in between the sheets without my knowledge.

It would be more difficult to explain why she was sliding up and down my dick but life always has its problems regardless of the reality doesn't it?!? And if that's a problem then there wouldn't really be much wrong with life.

All in all Kari can be summed up in four simple letters....MILF. Here's to sliding. Cheers!

The women in my life: Mya Harrison

2008-04-10T13:08:00.000-04:00

Here I am very ill with the flu. My spirits are low, my temperature is high and I feel like shit. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and her name is Mya Harrison...or you might just know her by her stage name of Mya.

If her songs are to be believed her kiss is like whoa, her touch is like whoa, her love is like whoa and her body is like whoa. Well, I can’t confirm her touch but her skin looks very smooth, I can’t confirm her kiss but her lips look very soft and sumptuous, I can’t confirm her love but she looks like she can go all night and her body....

WHOA!!!!!! Perhaps not to everyones taste I think Mya has a very sexy look about her but is cute all at the same time.

If you’ve ever seen any of her music videos you will know she’s very comfortable with her sexuality and what makes that so wonderful in Mya’s case is she’s not one of those big breasted in your face women. In fact she has small breasts but is very confident with them. Nipplicious. Hey, I just invented a new word!

Good for you Mya. As the old saying goes, "More than a mouthful is a waste". That doesn’t apply to the back though...the bigger the better....

Ah yes, Mya can lift my spirits higher which is as much needed right now as the next shot of flu medication.

The women in my life: Sarah Shahi

2008-04-05T21:33:00.001-04:00

It all began about seven years ago, perhaps a bit longer than that, when I picked up a copy of Maxim. Flipping through the pages I was indulged in movie reviews, humor, weird articles and the usual splattering of scantily clad women. And then, there she was a cut above the rest....Sarah Shahi.

Yep, that picture above was my introduction to one of the world’s most natural beauties. My curiosity aroused (along with something else!) I searched for me info on Sarah and found a Yahoo group dedicated to her. It’s quite easy to see why.

A former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader of Iranian descent Ms Shahi branched out into an acting career. As the past few years have gone by she has become more prominent an actress with roles in ’The Sopranos’, ’Alias’ and the current Showtime hit ’The L Word’ which is all about lesbians. Sarah making out with other hot women on a regular basis...how could the show not have been a hit. This has led to more magazine shoots....

including a few more for Maxim....

I never thought I would say this but, "God bless Iran!". The totally incredible and outragously beautiful Aahoo Jahansouzshahi aka Sarah Shahi.

The women in my life: Rozonda Thomas

2008-04-04T20:47:00.001-04:00

You might be forgiven for not recognizing the name Rozonda Thomas as this beauty is known worldwide by her stage name ’Chili’. Why she named herself Chili I will never know but I’m assuming it’s something to do with her being small and hot. If you’ve still no idea who she is then take a look at this first picture and she’s the one in the middle.

Yep, Rozonda was one third of the hip-hop group TLC. Along with T-Boz and Left Eye they had huge hits all around the world but are probably best known for the song ’Waterfalls’. After Left Eye’s untimely death the group went their separate ways after a nationwide search for a replacement failed to produce mainstream success even though the process was a reality show.

Oddly enough I’m allergic to chili peppers....still, Rozonda is one Chili I would still eat! By far the most beautiful of the threesome (and don’t get me started on threesomes) and once voted one of the most beautiful women in the world by some important magazine that I can't recall the name of it’s very easy to see why.

I’m not sure what Rozonda is up to nowadays and with these pictures to look at I don’t really care. Why worry about the present when you fantasize about the past?!?

Still not sure about the name ’Chili’ though. Perhaps she should change her name to ’Cadbury’s’ instead...you know, smooth chocolaty goodness that you want to indulge in on a regular basis. Just a thought.

The women in my life: Christina Aguilera

2008-04-02T12:23:00.001-04:00

When you think about it we’ve got a lot to be thankful for when it comes to the appreciation of the Hispanic population. With gems such as J-Lo, Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, Shakira and more less obvious things such as serving us our burgers in a timely manner at McDonalds, introducing the concept of wearing baseball caps all year round and Taco Bell. Oh wait, scrub that last one. Anyhow, there’s also Christina Aguilera.

It doesn’t seem that long ago that an innocent looking Christina burst onto the music scene telling us what a girl wants, what a girl needs and wanting to be rubbed the right way like a genie in a bottle. By the looks of things she seems to enjoy rubbing herself the right way...

in a mirror no less and that’s what makes Christina so hot...she has a blatant slutty image and it works very well for her. Well, she used to anyway but now she’s a mom and all she seems to have toned down some but as you might guess I’m not concentrating on that. Oh no, I’m all about Skanky Aguilera.

You see, in her prime Christina couldn’t keep her damn clothes on and as much as it saved her in wardrobe expenses the real beauty of it was the joy of gazing upon her femininity. Maybe, just maybe, the slutty image wasn’t intentional and perhaps she couldn’t afford clothes due to being a lazy worker. How lazy? Well, she seemed to spend a lot of time just laying around as shown here...

and here...

and here...

Hmmm, all that laying about has made me hungry. Pie anybody? Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes, in between laying down Christina did have a flourishing music career and endorsed many items from soda to Sketchers...

and still managed to be a sexy vixen even when advertising shoes. It must have been hard work though for as soon as she was finished Christina felt the need to relax and so frolicked around in the pool....wearing next to nothing of course. Respect!

Which, in turn, must have sapped more energy than she thought it would for pretty soon she was laying down again....

And so with all this typing I myself am worn out and will take a page out of Christina’s book and go lay down...without the photographer standing over me taking pictures.

The women in my life: Jessica Alba

2008-03-30T10:40:00.001-04:00

What is luck? You might consider it winning the lottery or perhaps just finding an item you want on sale at the local store. Me, I would consider it the main ingredient of the life of the guy who wakes up next to this every morning...

Jessica Alba...probably one of the most recognized women in the world and once again I was ahead of my time when it came to spotting her beauty. You see, I had a thing for Ms Alba back when she played her first tv role in the series Dark Angel. Back then I even preferred her darker look. Go ahead and compare...

Sure, she’s dressed more provocatively as a blond but I do think she’s hotter as a brunette. Anyhow, Jessica is a class above other female stars as you don’t hear of her getting drunk, doing drugs or partying all night long. In fact, she doesn’t even dress slutty for publicity and you wouldn’t catch her out and about in revealing clothing...

Hey, one’s a beach candid and the other is a wardrobe malfunction. No accusations here thank you. Of course, Jessica is pregnant now and so will now face her greatest role to date...that of a real life mother. Hopefully she plays it better than most of her movie roles (hey, I never claimed she was a great actress).

Bad acting aside I don’t see too many other things wrong with Jessica Alba and that makes her very worthy of a place on my blog. Hallelujah for the dark angel.

The women in my life: Leyla El

2008-03-29T09:05:00.002-04:00

Having revisited the ghosts of WWE divas past it’s only natural that I introduce you to my favorite diva of the present. The truth be told there aren’t that many hot divas right now....Maria is the current Playboy covergirl but nothing special in my opinion, Torrie was a former covergirl but has never been my type and while Melina can be sexy she’s really not all that when it comes to her face. Thankfully then there’s Leyla El.

Now, while Maria graces the cover of Playboy with her minimal curves if not for fate it would have been Leyla. As part of WWE’s ’Extreme Expose’ she was slated along with Kelly Kelly (not her real name) and Brook to be this years representatives in Playboy magazine. And with Leyla’s curves it’s easy to see why she would be representing WWE.

However, Brook had a parting of the ways with WWE and the girls went their separate ways and my dreams of Leyla in Playboy were shattered. Oh, the stress. Knowing they were on to a good thing WWE allowed Leyla to pose in the magazine known as ’Smooth’ and I’m glad she did as the photoshoot produced these two gems...

Grrrrr. I’m in need of a cold shower. Anyhow, with past credits in modelling and a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Leyla should be around for a long time to come even after she parts ways with the WWE which the divas inevitably do. At present though she is still steamin’ up ECW and Smackdown on a weekly basis and perhaps this time next year as Wrestlemania rolls around Leyla might well be the Playboy covergirl.

In the meantime I’ll just dream of being thrown into the corner of the ring and having Leyla give me a broncobuster! Or a stink face!!

The women in my life: Jasmin St Claire

2008-03-27T11:03:00.004-04:00

"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion!"
- Francis Bacon

Ah yes, nothing like an intellectual quote to start off a blog that usually ends up in the gutter. But, hark, dear reader the aforementioned quote hath never been more true than when applied to such fair a maiden as Jasmin St Claire.

You’re born into a wealthy family, attend private schools all your life, become fluent in French, German, Spanish, Italian and sign language....so what career path do you choose? Why, porn star of course. What else!?! And so we have the opposing juxtapositions of Jasmine St Claire. All brains and a strange kind of beauty.

Of Russian, Dutch and Sicilian ancestry Jasmin was born 23rd Oct 1970 in St Croix in the Virgin Islands. As an ode to her place of birth she decided to keep the ’St’ as part of her name....her stage name no less as Ms St.Claire’s real name is Rhea Alexandria Devlugt. I guess she likes change as she didn’t keep her real breasts either...

One of the odd things about Jasmin, known as ’Queen of the Gangbang’ for doing 300 men in one session, is that she was very pretty to begin with but had facial cosmetic surgery (which is different from the facials she is used to receiving) and now looks worse because of it. Not quite Michael Jackson worse but there was no need for her to change.

Anyhow, Jasmin now runs her own wrestling promotion and has taken up more serious acting by appearing in minor roles in mainstream movies. And that’s all good as I will always have a place for a woman who can fuck fluently in five different languages....six if you include sign language.

The women in my life: Buffy The Body

2008-03-26T12:34:00.002-04:00

If you’re going to go around calling yourself "the body" then for the sake of being ridiculed you better be able to back that title up. Buffie can certainly back it up alright.

king at that picture you would be forgiven for thinking she should call herself ’Buffie The Booty’ with all that junk in the trunk....which, in my humble opinion, is a good thing (How good of a thing? Well, if I ever become suicidal again my choice of death will be suffocation via Buffie’s butt). Then again focusing her name on ’the booty’ would take away from those thighs, her trim waist, ample bosom or sexy face.

A bonafide hip-hop music video star and a merchandisers dream Buffie could well be one of the most photographed women on the planet at the moment. Of course, most of the reason for that is her delightful ass. A big booty lovers dream.

Hey, if you’ve got it flaunt it. And with the word "tasty" tattooed across her left butt cheek you know Buffie likes flaunting it...

and you know I’m very happy that she does. Buffie The Body. Oh my.

The women in my life: Angelina Jolie

2008-03-26T12:33:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you’ve just got to be thankful and grateful for some of the things in life and those sentiments are directed right at my wife who opened my eyes to the beauty that is Angelina Jolie.

Apparently Angelina is the most common sexual female fantasy amongst straight women. Not sure how that makes them straight but I’m certainly not going to discourage it. It’s not that difficult to see why though....

With her natural, beautiful face and THOSE lips combined with a good body and her very openly sexual attitude perhaps she’s what many women would like to be. It’s also what a lot of men would like women to be too.

And her appeal to men? Well, she’s openly bisexual, THOSE lips, she found Billy Bob Thornton attractive so she’s not that picky and she’s definitely the epitomy of a wild child. As shown with those damn tattoos. I’m sorry to say it but I don’t mind a small tattoo on a woman but when she has them on her arms, stomach, ankles, and all over her back it’s just a turn off. Even worse when it’s a bunch of writing.

Let me not be a hypocrite though as I would still drink that bathwater if she asked me to! And as much as I hate those tattoos it’s not like I would hold them against her. So, Angelina, you’re still in with a chance baby. ;o)

The women in my life: Rosario Dawson

2008-03-24T00:23:00.002-04:00

Looking back over my previous posts I’ve noticed that a lot of the women I have liked, or still do, are very feminine in nature. You know, the kind of women you would lay down gently on a bed and make slow, passionate love to. Well, sometimes a woman can have a look that says, "I’m wild and out of control and could fuck your brains out if I wanted to!". I now present Rosario Dawson.

Rosario is probably an acquired taste that not all guys would think beautiful but let me give credit where it is due as beyond that wild, "I couldn’t give a shit about looking goofy" personality that she has Rosario can look very elegant and beautiful. Check this out....

Not many guys would turn that down on a lonely night in. However, it is the wilder side of Ms Dawson that gets my pulse racing and I’ve got to wonder if she bats for both teams as she does seem to flick her tongue around a lot...

Damn, I can only hope so! Which would be just another positive to add to the qualities Rosario already has...great body, beautiful face, outgoing personality, not afraid to have fun and probably very wealthy due to a bunch of highly successful movies.

What more could a guy want in a woman? A dream come true....Rosario Dawson.

The women in my life: Madeleine Stowe

2008-03-24T00:23:00.001-04:00

A mainstay of movies in the 90s Madeleine Stowe is the embodiment of simplistic beauty. Not that she’s dumb or anything just that her facial features are very simple and unobtrusive giving her a very natural and pretty look.

Ms Stowe was my favourite woman at one time back when I was into very thin women. Nowadays I prefer some curves on a woman but I certainly wouldn’t turn Madeleine away if she stopped by for a good time...like that’s very likely to happen.

Still, I think she’s very secure in her looks as she has appeared naked in many movies and finding some sexy pics of her wasn’t very hard. If I look at this next pic too long and I might well be very hard but I digress....

If you have the philosophy that more than a mouthful is a waste then Ms Stowe could well be your perfect woman and, even if that aint your philosophy, you would still be forgiven for making an exception.

The ever beautiful, and grade ’A’ milf, Madeleine Stowe.

The women in my life: Kate Beckinsale

2008-03-21T12:08:00.001-04:00

England isn’t exactly renowned for hot women. Sure, there are a few but mostly the "lookers" are nothing more than ugly slappers with big tits...Melinda Messenger, Abby Titmuss and Linsey Dawn Mckenzie to name a few. So it’s quite refreshing when a true beauty comes along and blows those stereotypes out of the water. I give you Kate Beckinsale who can look incredibly hot even when she’s fallen over...

I guess that’s why she’s laying there like that. I wouldn’t be helping her up though as I would probably be going down! Anyhow, perhaps best known for her role as a vampire in the Underworld movies (and would I ever like to spend time in her underworld...deep, deep inside her underworld) Kate has the unique ability to change her look sexy vamp to natural beauty without even trying.

A true shapeshifter indeed although with a look like this there is no need for Ms Beckinsale to shift her shape in any way, shape or form...

Makes me wish I was the vampire. I’m not though so I’ll just have to console myself with the fact that I’m a hot blooded heterosexual male who can appreciate the finer things in life...

like Kate Beckinsale. Oh yes.

The women in my life: Trish Stratus.

2008-03-19T14:30:00.001-04:00

I’ve already included a personal favourite WWE diva in this series in the form of Terri Runnels and now I will induct the diva to end all divas - Trish Stratus - on what is a special 30th anniversary edition.

Long before she was a star in the WWE Trish was famous in the field of fitness modelling and graced the covers of many of the industries leading fitness lifestyle magazines. And with a body like this it’s easy to see why...

As you can see from the picture above Trish has an incredible shaped ass. Just look at those peaks. If there’s anywhere/anything I would rather bury my face into I have yet to see it. Just look at those peaks. In fact I thought her butt was digitally enhanced in this next picture but it’s naturally that shape and size. Just look at those peaks.

They’re like two towers rising up from the back of her thighs. It must be a Toronto thing as the city has the awe inspiring CN Tower (the largest free standing structure in the world) and it also has its native Trish and her peaks. Does a person need any more of a reason to love Toronto? I don’t anyway.

But really, how hot is Trish Stratus? What if you forget the bikini body and, say, dressed her in something hideous...would she still look as great? What if we had her wear a black, silly looking hat that looked like it was made by a child with some spare glitter...place a white tie around her neck that was really a belt...have her wear a pair of long gloves even though she’s indoors...and let’s finish things off by making her look like she’s sitting on the toilet doing what comes natural.

Guess that answers that question! What else makes her so hot? Well, after a drunken night out you wouldn’t even have to recall her name as you could just call her "baby" and get away with it.

What a great universal term that is. Also she has the proverbial green fingers and is great at gardening. Just give her a hose and watch her go....

Okay, maybe she hasn’t quite grasped the concept of watering the plants yet but her bulbs look like they have certainly blossomed and who am I to complain? So, all in all, when Santa is leaving presents at the bottom of the bed later this year I’ll settle for just the one present.

One of God’s greatest creations....Trish Stratus...Stratusfaction guaranteed!

The women in my life: Adriana Lima

2008-03-18T18:45:00.000-04:00

I’ve always wondered how magazines such as Playboy and Hustler stay in business when you can just pop into any Victoria’s Secret store and pick up the latest issue of their catalogue....that’s what I do anyway. Once you start flicking through the pages you’ll soon cum across (pun intended) Adriana Lima.

Adriana is a mainstay of the Victoria’s Secret campaign for no other reason than she looks freakin’ great in skimpy underwear and who am I to go against that logic. She has that whole "I’m fun, I’m sexy and you want to fuck me all night long" look which, in the real world, would translate to about thirty seconds of pure heavenly sex before one could hold back the orgasm no longer. I mean, really, look at how hot she is and tell me you wouldn’t be shootin’ for the stars in record time!

Nevertheless, let’s not forget that Adriana isn’t just the owner of an awesome body but that she stands out because facially she is a step above other supermodels. With those perfectly formed lips and to-die-for eyes Ms Lima is a total stunner.

Perhaps it has something to do with being Brazilian? I don’t know what’s in the water in that country but it does seem to produce some amazingly beautiful women.

And never has that been more apt than when applied to Adriana Lima.

The women in my life: Sabrina Salerno

2008-03-18T12:42:00.000-04:00

If you’re an American you probably have no idea who Sabrina Salerno is and if you’re from Europe you might well have forgotten her. Well, cast your mind back twenty years and Ms Salerno had the whole of the male population of Europe captivated.

But it wasn’t her looks that were making her famous. Oh no, this lady had the voice of an angel. Okay, maybe not but she did have a HUGE hit with the song ’Boys, boys, boys.’ and the reason that was a hit? Well, it had a very simple, catchy tune and Sabrina sang it well enough that she would be kicked off American Idol in the initial audition stage. Need a clue?

No, it wasn’t her hands. Yep, the song sold itself on the accompanying video which spent most of it’s time focusing on Sabrina’s barely covered boobs in a swimming pool. And if that weren’t enough she kept jumping up and down in the water with her nipples on the verge of popping out of her top altogether.

It may come as no surprise to you then that Sabrina was/is an adult model in her native Italy and the music video is very tame in comparison to what she usually gets up to. Still, two decades ago she captured mine, and every other heterosexual male’s attention and made a fortune in doing so and just for old times sake why don’t you watch the video itself and sing along....

All together now, "Boys, boys, boys are looking for a good time..."

Today’s visual Viagra....Sabrina Salerno.

The women in my life: Jenny Agutter

2008-03-17T13:47:00.001-04:00

Logan’s Run. Have you ever seen that movie? It’s one of my all time favourites and stars none other than Jenny Agutter. Ironically she also starred as Nurse Price in another one of my favourite movies, ’An American Werewolf in London’.

Over time society’s perception of beauty changes and today, looking at Jenny’s pictures, you might not see why she was such a hot commodity back in the day. At the time though she was the centerpiece of many a man’s dream.

I guess Ms Agutter first found her sex symbol status by starring in the movie ’Walkabout’ where she played a sixteen year old schoolgirl lost in the Australian outback. Ms Agutter was actually 19 at the time but her innocent look made her appear younger...think of a modern day Anna Kournikova and you’ve got the same type of facial look.

Jenny is still plying her trade today and is currently 56 years old. Obviously she’s not as popular or as famous today as she once was but I’m certain Jenny will still, in Britain at least, be entered into the history books as one of our best loved actresses.

Today’s devoid of humour blog is sending out respect to the much adored Jenny Agutter.

The women in my life: Ashley Judd

2008-03-16T12:51:00.003-04:00

Ladies and gentleman today I bring to you Ashley Judd...

not to be confused with that other celebrity Ashley Juggs...

who has a face like roadkill. Anyhow, Ms Judd is one of those women who I tend to think of as very naturally pretty yet when searching through pictures to use on this post I just couldn’t find anything that really said, "Ashley Judd" to me. She just constantly seemed to fall short of the expectations I had of her.

Of course, we’re not entering the realms of Ashley Juggs ugly here and even though Ms Judd is decent enough I don’t see that sparkle anymore. There could be a very logical reason for this: have you ever seen an Ashley Judd movie where she doesn’t get naked? If you have then you’re definitely in the minority and research shows that for mainstream actresses Ms Judd has far more nude scenes in her movies than almost anyone else.

Guy mathematics for you....
decent looking actress + naked = "Damn, she’s hot!"
and that, in my infinite wisdom, accounts for why I thought Ashley Judd was far hotter than she is. Still this doesn’t work for all women as...
Ashley Juggs + naked = "Nice tits I suppose.".

All natural and beautiful in a simple kind of way I give to you Ashley’s juggs....I mean Ashley Judd. :o)

The women in my life: Cameron Diaz

2008-03-15T13:00:00.000-04:00

You may not think that Cameron Diaz and the Ugly Duckling have much in common and you would be forgiven for that. However, like the Ugly Duckling, Cameron just needs to transform in order to become a beautiful swan. Let me rephrase that....she just needs to transform to become a more beautiful swan. You see she looks good blond but is, in my humble opinion, far hotter as a brunette.

You see how hot she is in that previous picture. My goodness that’s pillow-over-the-crotch-to-avoid-embarassment goodness right there. In fact I do believe that as long as she lives Cameron will probably never take a more beautiful picture than that as it’s sheer perfection. However, the blond one below is nothing to be scoffed at...you just got to appreciate the hooker look.

Speaking of hookers Cameron once arrived home unexpectedly and found her then boyfriend Matt Dillon slipping the bone to Mariah Carey in her swimming pool. Well, it’s only natural that you would give a dog a bone but I don’t think I would be choosing Mariah’s kibbles & bits over Cameron’s bubble and squeak.

Anyhow, with her Latin mixture, gorgeous eyes, big beautiful smile and supermodel body it’s no wonder Ms Diaz has been seen on the arms of some of Hollywood’s leading men and more than deserves her place in the annals of my blog history.

Now if only she would give me a place in her anal history. Ooer.

The women in my life: Mel B

2008-03-14T13:25:00.000-04:00

When the Spice Girls first came onto the scene everyone had their own particular favorite. Whether you liked Emma for the innocent look, Gerri for the slutty look, Posh for the anorexic look, Sporty for the ugly dyke look, or Mel B for the (apparently) scary look each one appealed to a different audience.

..

Of course, there was only one winner in my book and that was the black, curvy one. Not only was she the hottest but I liked her outlook on life: "If you want to be my lover you’ve got to get with my friends." Well, sure. If you insist. Why not line ’em up all in a row and I’ll see to them one after the other...hold on, you don’t consider Posh a friend do you?

Alas the Spice girls went their seperate ways, only to recently reform, but girlpower has all but died. Mel B still has babepower going on though (hey, Eddie Murphy agrees with me) and still has the power to make me want to change my face into a chair.

In fact, where Mel B is concerned I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha. And who doesn’t?

Still spicing up my life, Melanie Brown.

The women in my life: Diane Youdale

2008-03-14T13:24:00.000-04:00

During my teenage years it would be common to have a discussion on an almost weekly basis amongst friends at school about how we would love to give IT to Diane Youdale.

Diane, better known as Jet from the tv show Gladiators, was known for her speed and the conversation would be how if she chased us up the wall we would stop and let her catch us....and when she wrapped her legs around us we wanted to spin around quickly and enjoy the experience!

She would also do handstands and cartwheels and looked ever so good in that tight little outfit that the female Gladiators had to wear. Looking at her recent pics I might have to give some of those old friends a call and let them know I’d still like her to chase me up that wall.

Why a female Gladiator would be chasing a male contestant is not something to dwell on as that would just ruin the fantasy and if you had seen a bunch of the other female Gladiators you would be hard pressed to tell the gender anyway. Not so with Jet.

With a possible Gladiator resurgence on the way I’m sure many a grown man is thinking back to those teenage days and hoping she’s back on the show and recalling a time when they would have liked to stick their fuel hose in the Jet!

The women in my life: Devin Devasquez

2008-03-13T11:56:00.002-04:00

If you know who Devin Devasquez is then you’re a big fan of porn. A bigger fan than me no less as I know her from the horror movie ’Society’ and only found out about her not-so-new career in the adult modelling world when searching for pics of her....oh, and I also learned that she won Starsearch (an American Idol precursor) back in 1986 winning $100,000. Anyways...back to the pics.

And what a picture search it was. I had to trawl through masses of naked pics of Devin trying to find some that would be suitable for a more general audience....oh, the hardship dear reader. The picture above was as clothed as she seems to get and that photo was taken at the launch of their own branded condoms for the rock group Kiss. Ahem. Usually Devin doesn’t seem to wear much more than this...

which could easily lead to carpel tunnel syndrome in my wrists. Anyhow, it seems as if modelling is Ms Vasquez’s one true love as she has graced Playboy on several occassions and is also one of those virtual desktop strippers you can download....apparently....not that I would know about such things. Yeah, shake it baby! What? No, my wife is sprinkling cheese on a pizza!!

Taking a look at Devin’s website it’s easy to see her popularity and she is quick to tell us her list of achievements which include such gems as:
-Has had lots of babies named after her
-Auditioned for the film "Pretty Woman"
-She is an experienced party planner
-Shares the same birthday as George Michael and Carly Simon
Really, I didn’t make that up. You know what I think should be prominent on her list of achievements too...

making stomach cramps look sexy as hell! Devin Devasquez everyone.

The women in my life: The Tenison Twins

2008-03-12T15:14:00.002-04:00

Never have two beauties fallen into obscurity so quickly. Don’t believe me? Go search for the Tenison Twins on a search engine and you’ll get as much feedback as the average married man gets sex....barely nothing at all. It wasn’t always that way (the twins...not married sex)....

About eight years ago the Tenison Twins, Rosie and Renee, were taking the internet by storm and Renee went on to become the first ever black Playmate for Playboy magazine. And rightly so....

I, myself, owned one of their calendars and it certainly brightened up the months which is odd as one associates brightness with the sun and not two full moons....

However, I digress. Apparently the twins were very high maintainence and difficult to work with and this led to less and less work and the crumbling of their empire. No more calendars, no more photoshoots and not even their own website anymore. Heck, there was barely any pics of them to be found on the web.

Thankfully, I was able to conjure up enough tasteful ones (Renee’s Playboy shoot pics are the only others of decent quality to be found and I couldn’t post them here) so we can all rejoice in what once was.

The women in my life: Penelope Cruz

2008-03-12T08:45:00.002-04:00

Being the 20th anniversary of this particular blog series it is only apt to have another extra special double edition. And who else would I choose for this edition other than Penelope Cruz?

How hot do I think Penelope is? Put it this way....if my wife came home to find me in bed with Penelope Cruz I would expect only one of three reactions:
a) She could strip naked and join us.
b) She could grab the camcorder and film everything.
c) She could go make us some refreshments for when it was all over.

With a woman this hot there has to be an unwritten rule that cheating is mandatory...heck, it's not even cheating as if it involves Penelope it should be a God given right.

So why is Ms Cruz my favourite woman even though she doesn't have the sex appeal of Salma Hayek or the natural beauty of Monica Bellucci? You know, I'm not even sure myself. Of course, she incredibly hot in her own right.

Far hotter than that pepper she's holding and by the looks of things she's domesticated too. I mean, what other woman looks this good when scrubbing the floor?

She even makes something as simple as putting on a shoe an incredible sight to see...

She even looks f*cking incredible when preparing to use the floor as a toilet...which she's allowed to do as we've already established that watching her clean floors is a guaranteed good time.

All in all I think she's just an all around incredible woman. Hot face, hot body...hot, hot, hot. If there's a woman I'm more attracted to on this planet I've yet to meet her.

Ladies and gentlemen....Penelope Cruz. Amen.

The women in my life: Monica Bellucci

2008-03-11T14:34:00.002-04:00

It says a lot when I would state that Monica Bellucci could well be the most beautiful woman in the world. Sure, I have my faves like J-Lo and Penelope Cruz but when it comes to sheer beauty Ms Bellucci tops them all.

How beautiful is Monica? Well, put it this way if a man came home to tell his wife he was leaving her for Monica Bellucci I think the woman in question would probably hug him and tell him that she totally understands.

So what makes Ms Bellucci so amazing? Well, she is very comfortable with her own sexuality (and I’m comfortable with her sexuality too!) which is shown by how many nude photoshoots she has done. Go ahead just type her name into Google. Unfortunately there is a "no nude" policy on this site but limits can be pushed...

Facially, she is just outstandingly beautiful.....full lips, symetrical features and drop dead gorgeous eyes...

and what more can be said about perfection?

The women in my life: Salma Hayek

2008-03-10T14:09:00.003-04:00

Did you ever see the movie Weird Science? You know, the one where the two guys hook up a doll to a computer and make a real life Kelly LeBrock. Well, there's a part of that creation process where they are deciding on what breast size they want their ideal woman to have and I tend to think they got their decision wrong. Yes, I know perfect breast size is subjective at best but take a look at this picture below and tell me if that aint downright perfection.

One look at those and you're halfway to heaven and when your eyes finally move on up and realise you're looking at Salma Hayek you would be forgiven for thinking you are dead. After all women like that only exist in Heaven, right? Apparently not as she is here on earth and obviously heaven sent.

With her sultry Latin looks, dark smouldering eyes and to die for body Ms Hayek could have the choice of any man on the planet. Odd then she married a guy who looks twice her age. And if you're expecting a pic of him on my blog then you're greatly mistaken as I'm not ruining my perfectly good Salma fantasy with pics of an old man....hell no! Here's Salma in a bikini instead...

Oh, hold on a minute I think I'm going to have to finish this blog early as Jeopardy is about to start.

VOICE: "Welcome to Jeopardy and here's your host Alex Trebek."

A little later on....

ALEX: "Curves, curves and more curves ending in an erection so hard you would be accussed of taking Viagara."

CONTESTANT: "Who is Salma Hayek?"

ALEX: "Correct."

What dreams are made of....Salma Hayek.

The women in my life: Serena Williams

2008-03-08T08:29:00.000-05:00

Not to everyones cup of tea you might be wondering what I find so hot about Serena Williams. Instead of my words not doing justice why not just take a look at the picture below?

Does that enlighten you?!? Serena has one hell of an ass and God bless every last inch of it. Besides that beautiful round mound I actually think she's very under appreciated by the world in terms of her beauty. After all she has graced the pages of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

And what is she doing with her middle finger? Anyhow, not many women get asked to pose for that particular special. Besides her looks Serena, world champion tennis player, must obviously be good with balls and knows how to handle a big racket...skills every woman should have.

A fan favorite at Wimbeldon if she's got the strawberries then I've got the cream and due to the constant bad weather we could eat them under the covers. Ooh yeah.

Serena Williams...athletic, big breasts, big booty and oh so juicy. Tennis anyone?

The women in my life: Terri Runnels

2008-03-08T08:28:00.000-05:00

The WWE doesn't just produce the best unique entertainment all year long, every single year, it also floods our tv screens with a plethora of beautiful women. Some of them fade away into obscurity, after their light has dimmed, but some leave that scorch mark in your pants...or is that just follow through? Anyhow, amongst my favorite WWE divas, which include such alumni as Trish Stratus, Layla El and Jacqueline who will all no doubt have their own inductions, one diva which stands out and one of my all time faves was/is Terri Runnels.

It says a lot about a woman when I think she's hot even though she is not my type at all. Petite, blond and seemingly not very bright I shouldn't have really been into Ms Runnels at all. Not even for those huge fake melons...

As it was/is though Terri makes me hotter than the inside of a volcano and her pictures can quite easily make me shoot out larva too! At the time of her WWE tenure she was married to Dustin Runnels, aka Golddust, but that went downhill and she ended up getting rid of him....now only if she would get rid of his shirt too.

The last I heard Ms Terri was pursuing an acting career and departed WWE on good terms so hopefully she'll at least make an appearance again somewhere down the line whether back in the WWE or in a blockbuster movie. For now though I have my memories and pictures....

Damn, I think my volcano is about to erupt again!

The women in my life: Merlene Ottey

2008-03-06T21:10:00.001-05:00

Think of Jamaica and you no doubt think of the adult sex haven named Hedonism....one and two. I do anyhow but there was a time back in my more innocent days when Jamaica meant a bobsleigh team...and before those clowns there was Merlene Ottey. "Merlene who?" you ask. Well, she was a very successful athlete back in the 80s and early 90s who could run 100m in less than 11 seconds.

To this day I'm still unsure as to what made Merlene stand out above the crowd of female athletes of the day. I do know, however, that I used to enjoy watching her race in what often resembled a two piece bathing suit. Only natural as I myself was very much the athlete in my younger days and was damn good at running the mile. But I digress...Merlene...

Looking back I guess I was subconsciously attracted to her glistening dark skin, sexy thighs and curvy butt which are all traits I admire in women nowadays. Back then though those physical wonders weren't as valued as they are today. Oh no, my youth was a time of ugly arsed blond women with oversized breasts (see my Samantha Fox induction!). Now, in the present, this body type is sexxxy...

Let's not overlook her facial quality though as I still think that Merlene is very naturally pretty. Ah, it's a shame that time passes because I'm sure in today's world a Merlene in her prime would be hot, commercial property and she could have made a lot of money. Never mind though as I was still privileged enough to watch her in her prime.

Merlene....gone faster into history than she could run the 100m.

The women in my life: Jenny Powell

2008-03-05T17:50:00.000-05:00

A long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away - well, it was a long time ago but in England rather than here in the USA - there was a tv show called 'No Limits' that picked new presenters on a yearly basis in order to constantly produce new household names. One of those presenters was a lady by the name of Jenny Powell.

Being of mixed race (I guess) she somewhat stood out to me and I soon became a fan of hers. As did a lot of people as she went on from the relatively obscure 'No Limits' to become a childrens tv presenter and later to be the English version of Vana White on 'Wheel of Fortune'.

In researching this blog I came upon many pics of Jenny and none of them seemed to show her as being as beautiful as I recalled. I guess that's what they call looking back on life with rose tinted glasses. Not that she's really ugly or anything....just not as hot as I remember.

Then again I was a teenager at the time and anything with breasts and a vagina was pretty much hot to me...not much change there then! Nowadays Jenny is well into her 40s but she's not looking too bad.

As things are though I think I'll just keep looking at her through those rose tinted glasses.

The women in my life: Halle Berry

2008-03-05T17:49:00.001-05:00

When you think of women with short hair it no doubt conjures up images of butch lesbians or haircuts gone wrong. Yet, short hair on a woman does have a saving grace and she goes by the name of Halle Berry.

In what is a totally true story I was once served a meal by Halle Berry in an IHOP restaurant...assuming IHOP actually qualifies as a restaurant. Of course, she wasn't THE Halle Berry just someone who shared the same name. Life is a bitch like that sometimes.

Anyhow, recall how in part two of this series I mentioned that I had never seen a woman with more perfect thighs than Angela Devi? Well, it's quite possible that on any given day I could switch my allegiance to Halle's legs. Take a look at the this next picture and you won't be able to blame me for being so confused on who has the world's hottest thighs.

Decisions. Decisions. Perhaps I best go with Halle otherwise she might put on her boxing gloves, drag me in the ring and punch my lights out.

On second thoughts I might just stick with Angela Devi as Halle knocking me out looks like it could be an enjoyable experience!

The women in my life: Cindy Crawford

2008-03-03T13:57:00.001-05:00

If there's two traits that I don't find attractive in women it's a woman who is too tall (5ft 8in or above) and women that are caucasian (there are always exceptions) so today's woman is, of course, a combination of the two. Yes, it's none other than Cindy Crawford.

Although she has faded out of the limelight over recent years there was a time when Cindy spread herself about more than a stinky fart in an enclosed room. She was modelling, acting, hosting MTV shows, shooting tv commercials etc. and it was all good because she was great to look at.

However, too much of something can make you sick and the world was suffering from Crawford overkill (too much of something except sex...but I wouldn't really know about that as I've never considered myself to have had too much). Speaking of sex (it was writing but let's not be pedantic) I'm sure Cindy got as much sex as she wanted especially with pictures like this....

Ah yes, that's a personal picture of mine from the brief fling we had many years ago before I realised how tall and white she was....eyesight can be a bitch you know. Anyhow, when her acting career didn't take off Cindy decided to start a family (we had already gone our separate ways by then) and faded from public view.

Gone, but not forgotten, CC is my woman of the day.

The women in my life: Jennifer Lopez

2008-02-28T13:11:00.001-05:00

Welcome to a special extended, 10th anniversary edition of 'wiml' featuring the woman whose butt is so big I had to expand today's blog to fit it all in. So where do I begin? Well, there's really only one logical place isn't there...

J-Lo once said in an interview that her butt was famous before she was and that was shown by its appearance in 'Celebrity Deathmatch' when a virtually unknown J-Lo's ass took on Dolly Parton's tits. It was a fight for the ages with J-lo's rump coming out on top. Which is ironic to me because if I ever had the pleasure of being intimate with J-Lo's ass I would be cumming out on top too. ;o)

Take a look at that picture above and look at the two guys behind J-lo to the left as we look at it...the Latino guy with no arms and the homeless Einstein. See them? Just follow their eyes. Says it all doesn't it! Not that you can blame them but J-Lo is far more than a perfect butt, and perfect thighs, and perfect hips etc.

Actress, singer, producer, model, dancer, restaurant owner, her own fashion label as well as lines of jewelry and perfume you could say that J-Lo is the woman who has it all....including a husband who looks like a frog. I believe that she's hoping that one day when she kisses him he'll turn into a handsome prince. Perhaps, he himself, sold her on the idea. If only he could have sold her on moving her arm back just a little further in this next picture.

Can you believe that Marc Anthony gets to see that naked on a regular basis? Just shows you how f*cking unfair life is. Anyhow, enough of my jealousy...
With facial beauty to spare, a body from the heavens and the singing voice of an angel (with strep-throat) J-Lo has captivated males from one end of the world to the other. Less of a human and more of a mass marketing machine it's rumored that J-Lo once ruled over ancient lands...

conquered rival empires with her barbaric ways (she would sing to them and refuse to stop unless they surrendered!) and, for their part, those empires were apparently far more welcoming to warrior princess J-Lo ruling than Ghengis Khan. I wonder why? Apparently, Ghengis sounded just as good when singing and founded none other than the later imitated Mongul Idol. To be fair though Ghengis was far worse than Simon Cowell as he was often known to behead the poor sounding contestants....good job J-Lo wasn't there then!

Okay, maybe not, but I needed a way to work in those previous two pics.
Even as women come and go and make their way in and out of stardom, here's looking at you Kim Kardashian, some hotties just remain around and Jennifer Lopez is definitely one of those women who have stood the test of time.

For more than a decade now she has remained part of my culture and even though she doesn't have the pizazz she used to it's fair to say that J-Lo still has 'IT' whether talking about her looks or fame or fortune. Today's, extra special, woman in my life whose love don't cost a thing (which is just as well as I'm flat broke)...

Jennifer Lopez.

The women in my life: Jaclyn Smith

2008-02-26T11:28:00.001-05:00

In creating the current series of 'women in my life' for this blog I am taken back to my youth on many occasion and out of nowhere a name or face will pop into my mind and I'll be like, "How did I forget her for so long?". Today, I had one of those epiphany's. Today, I bring you the woman who will no doubt be the oldest person in this series. Today, I bring you Jaclyn Smith.

Now, it might seem a tad bit tasteless to be adding a woman to my list who will be 68 years old this year.....yes, 68. And you might think it would be a tad bit tasteless if I posted a recent picture of the soon to be 68 year old...yes, 68. But if you look at her picture below (yes, it was taken last year) you will see how if I hooked up with this soon to be 68 year old (yes, 68!) then 69 would be right around the corner!! ;o) Oh, come on....you know you would too!

Jaclyn is best known for her role in the hit tv show Charlie's Angels where she played a beautiful, kick-ass detective type of cop type of vigilante person alongside Farrah Fawcett and that ugly one who no-one cared about. When her run ended with that show she became an international model.

Nowadays the near 68 year old (yes, 68) still hosts a tv show on Bravo although I'll be damned if I could tell you the name of it. Still elegant and classy Jaclyn will no doubt be a main stay on tv for as long as she wishes but it's the Charlie's Angels days that she will always be remembered for.

Attracted to her long before I even understood the concept of female attraction Jaclyn Smith is my woman of the day.

The women in my life: Susanna Hoffs

2008-02-26T11:27:00.000-05:00

Here I am on just another manic Monday thinking about how music always plays an integral part in a person's upbringing and it's not unusual to associate certain times in one's life with certain songs and bands that you liked from that era. One of the biggest bands around in my youth was 'The Bangles' a group that consisted of three women and one guy with red hair in drag...fronted by none other than Susanna Hoffs.

Perhaps the group was best known for asking us all to "walk like an Egyptian" and if the truth be known I secretly did in my bedroom when listening to that song. That should come as no surprise though as if Susanna had asked me to I would have walked, ran, talked, smelled or even wanked like an Egyptian...and probably did on many ocassions. Ooer!! I blame 'The Bangles' poster book I had which contained far more pics of Susanna than the others...no surprise there then.

Surprisingly, part of what made Ms Hoffs hot was that big hair of hers. She currently sports straight hair and it doesn't suit her anywhere near as much as her old bonce chop.

I kind of cheated on that picture above because there are far worse pics of her with straight hair but, you know, I like remembering her as she was.
As for the present...'The Bangles' reformed a couple of years back but didn't get the same publicity that they had enjoyed back in their prime....I guess that flame wasn't eternal after all ladies.

Today's woman in my life, and still walking like an Egyptian, Susanna Hoffs.

The women in my life: Yasmine Bleeth

2008-02-23T23:25:00.000-05:00

"Some people stand in the shadows....afraid to come into the light...." and so began the theme to Baywatch. But, dear reader, it wasn't Pam Anderson I watched Baywatch for. Oh no, it was Yasmine Bleeth.

It could be that nature has never created anything more beautiful than Ms. Bleeth. In her prime she was just breathtaking and I owned two genuine, glossy, full color photographs of her that were my pride and joy. Looking back I have no idea whatever happened to those photographs but I do recall the male population being confused! After all, Yasmine was asking us, "Got milk?" when a more relevant question would have been, "Got a boner?" as she simply had that effect.

Alas, fame took its toll on Ms Bleeth and although you may think that troubled celebs such as Britney Spears and Ms Lohan are a recent problem that is not so as Yasmine developed a cocaine addiction and plummeted from the top of the ladder to the bottom and went from this...

to this....

Thankfully Yasmine has pulled herself together and is working on a movie set for release later this year. And if she returns even half as stunning as she once was then milk sales might just skyrocket once again!

The women in my life: Natalie Imbruglia

2008-02-23T23:24:00.000-05:00

Hot on the heels of Kylie Minogue is another Australian songstress who also started out in the same soap opera (Neighbours) as Kylie....Natalie Imbruglia. Part Italian, part Australian and all hotness Natalie shot to fame in the mid 90s when she had a worldwide hit with the song 'Torn'.

I guess it tore her brain in two also as she started dating David Schwimmer (Ross from the tv show Friends) which was okay because if she found him hot then I believed I was in with a chance if I ever met her!

Across Europe her singing career went from strength to strength and the fame brought about jealousy and bad publicity in tabloids looking for stories on her regardless of how nonfactual they were. This pissed her off and she refused to give interviews to tabloid newspapers who then christened her Nastalie Imbrugliugly. Very unfair and uncalled for. Jeez, just look at how gorgeous she is.

While I would have liked her to become a bit more slutty in appearance (just look at the pics of the other entries in this series....I searched forever and a day for Natalie in the same type of pics but came up with nothing) she has stayed true to herself and hasn't compromised who she is....

but that's okay though because I still wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting.

The women in my life: Kylie Minogue

2008-02-23T23:23:00.001-05:00

Kylie in my life....I should be so lucky (HAHAHA!!!! You see, that was the name of her first ever hit song...I know, it aint funny if you have to explain it)! At least that's what I thought way back in the day. Kylie was a soap opera star back when I was in my early teens and her crossover into music, even though it spawned some huge hits, was ridiculed....as was I for thinking she was hot. So what if I wore a Kylie hat, wore a Kylie t-shirt and bought all her albums. Sadly, that last sentence was wrote in all seriousness. Thankfully no pics of me from that era exist!

As with Konnie Huq though the years would pass and people would start talking about Kylie as being a sex symbol. Just like Madonna she reinvented herself on many occasions until she found something that stuck with audiences.

As the years have rolled along I have found myself a lot less attracted to Kylie. Sure, I do appreciate her current sexy image as opposed to the 'girl next door' image she had when she first arrived on the scene. I think her music has become worse though and that is shown by record sales. She might now be more 'hip' but she doesn't sell the millions of singles that she used to. Anyhow...

So yeah, I mean, if I came home from work one night and found Kylie on my bed with her legs spread wide saying, "Come give it to me big boy." it would be rude of me not to oblige but her chances of walking down the isle with me have long since passed.

Sorry Kylie!

The women in my life: Naomi Campbell

2008-02-19T09:57:00.001-05:00

Black and beautiful...vibrant and bubbly...sleek and slender...oh, how I would love to taste the moistness on my tongue. But enough about my glass of Pepsi let's talk about Naomi Campbell.

Reminiscing back to the early to mid teenage years of my life I'm very hard pressed to find any famous black English females...sure, there was Floella Benjamin and Tessa Sanderson but beyond them I can think of no-one. Perhaps the lack of any beautiful black females helped Naomi gain fame and fortune a lot easier. Personally I didn't really like her until she fell over on a fashion runway and gave everyone gratuitous shots of her crotch. She was wearing underwear but to a teenage guy that was all it took to get the hormones racing and my full attention.

Once she had my attention it just never let go and there's always been a place in my life (for "life" read "pants") for Ms Campbell. Yes, she's probably a stuck up bitch and, yes, she's way too tall but she has such simple facial beauty...

and a gorgeous, smooth, sleek but curvy where it counts body...

that makes it very difficult not to like her. And speaking of her gorgeous naked body just take a look at that picture above and if anyone can tell me where they post such employment ads as 'People wanted to put their hands on Naomi Campbell while she lays naked.' please do let me know because I'm certain that's the kind of job I could excel in!

The women in my life: Samantha Fox

2008-02-19T09:56:00.002-05:00

As you grow from a child and your years start entering double digits the opposite sex becomes more and more noticeable. Looking back to those years the first woman that ever really grabbed my attention was Samantha Fox. "Samantha Who?" I hear all you American readers ask. Well, she did have a brief stint as a pop singer and had a hit here called 'Touch Me'...oh, and how many an adolescent boy had that wish. I think it's fair to say that back in the mid 80s Ms Fox was responsible for so many stains on sheets that she should have endorsed laundry detergent!

Samantha's real claim to fame was as a page three model. Alas, they don't have those in newspapers here in America but in England the page 3 model still exists baring her breasts for all to see in the daily tabloids....or if you read 'The Sport' tabloid newspaper on page 2, 3, 4, 5 (x2), 6 and so on all the way through the sport pages and then there are still some to be found!

There were other famous page 3 models at the time such as Linda Lusardi (and one quick Google of that name shows how easily guys were impressed back in the 80s!) who never quite achieved the same status as Ms Fox. Nah, Samantha was a marketers dream with her own posters, music career, brief acting stint, commercial endorsements etc all because she had a nice pair of tits...and may still have for all I know.

Nowadays Sam is a famous lesbian (you go girl...you carpet munching freak) and let's be realistic, even now, 20 years later, if she gave you the opportunity you still would, wouldn't you?!?

Today's woman in my life....Samantha Fox.

The women in my life: Angela Devi

2008-02-19T09:56:00.001-05:00

Angela Devi. Now there's a name that conjures up all that's incredible in the female of the species. Just take a look...

Two words..."eyes" and "thighs". Absolutely amazing. I don't think I have ever seen more perfect thighs on a woman. Obviously she works out a lot and eats right to keep her body looking that magnificent.
I first came across Ms. Devi about a decade ago when I was first sampling the delights of the internet! With her awesome figure and natural beauty she quite simply took my breath away. If I were to have one complaint it would be that her unnatural breasts look unnaturally huge. Hey, take a look....

Now there's a very sad/interesting/disturbing story regarding Ms Devi. A few years back she was found dead after taking her own life via hanging...at least that's how the story goes. You see, a short time before her death she announced she was leaving adult modeling behind to begin a new life and start a family. On April 1st (I think 2005) her website announced her suicide...yep, on April Fool's Day. This caused shock amongst her legions of fans and so many people sought out more information and lo and behold there was no death certificate for Angela Devi (or for Shanali Dhingra which is her real name). The mystery deepened when no local media or news reported any suicide of their semi-famous resident. Added to this a few of her ex classmates have come forward claiming to have seen her since her death in the neighborhood visiting her mom.

Other people claimed to have seen the official police report of her death and it has been posted on the net in several places. It's authenticity has never been confirmed or disproved. As such it remains a mystery as to whether Angela Devi died or whether Shanali Dhingra now lives. Either way she is/was a gorgeous looking woman and hopefully whether in heaven or on earth she is happily enjoying her existence.

The women in my life: Konnie Huq

2008-02-19T09:55:00.001-05:00

There was a time a decade ago that my taste in women was viewed by others as less than stellar. Ten years later and the woman I adored, whose pictures adorned my bedroom wall, Konnie Huq is now a sex symbol in my native England.

Now far be it for me to toot my own horn (and I do that almost every night!) but I know beauty when I see it and never has that been more apt when applied to Ms Huq. If you're not familiar with Konnie then let me inform you that she was, up until recently, the host of a childrens tv show in England called Blue Peter.

Born and raised in West London Konnie is highly educated (obtained an economics degree with top honors) and 100% gorgeous. People once laughed when I deemed her one of the most naturally beautiful women alive but now they're falling over themselves since her infamous outing to the Spiderman 3 premiere the other year at which she dropped jaws with a sexy as hell white/silver dress.

So here in my first blog of the women who have graced my life, albeit from afar, is the beautiful Konnie Huq.

The year 2007 in books....pt 2.

2008-02-19T09:54:00.000-05:00

July - Dredd vs Death - I've always had a soft spot for Judge Dredd's no nonsense approach to the law and if he's trying to uphold justice against his old enemy Judge Death then all the better. This novel is really an excellent read and can now be found in a Judge Dredd omnibus entitled 'I Am The Law'. I wonder if there'll ever be a 'Nemesis The Warlock' novel?

Bad Moon Rising - The second novel in the Judge Dredd omnibus is a good read. It doesn't have the star power of the initial one but deals with more human evils such as racism and the lust of power. The other two novels in this omnibus are neither here nor there but two out of four aint bad.

August - Trail of Time - Superheroes seem to spend most of their lives time travelling nowadays and Superman gets the time-hopping treatment here. Introducing me to new characters such as Jonah Hex, Bat Lash, Scalphunter, El Diablo and Johnny Thunder I found this to be a tad far-fetched but a very well told story nonetheless. Worth splashing the cash on if you've nothing else to read.

September - The Hardcore Diaries - Nope, this isn't the memoirs of Ron Jeremy or some other porn star but a diary kept by Mrs. Foley's baby boy, Mick. I felt ripped off by this book especially when compared to Mick Foley's other offerings and even wrestling fans would be advised to skip it. Sorry Mick but it was one effort too many....just like your comebacks old chap.

October - Helltown - Another offering from DC Universe deals with a character I knew nothing about called 'The Question'. The story was somewhat dull but did have a lot of background and filled me in on how 'The Question' came to be. It passed the time I suppose but I wouldn't read another novel about the same guy.

November - Too busy working to read anything.

December - Wolverine: Violent Tendencies - Ah, the return of Logan was always bound to give me a lift. The book was well written and it's fast pace kept me reading well past my bedtime. However it had what I call 'The Running Man Syndrome'. Have you read that book or seen the movie? Well, it involves various bad guys trying to off the main character each with his own unique powers. Same concept here except the hero is Wolverine and rather than being a game show it's set in the wilderness. A very cliche novel that wouldn't hold the attention of none Wolverine fans.

The year 2007 in books.

2008-02-19T09:53:00.002-05:00

So this is a blog about the books I've read this year. Sure, some of them are older books that were released before 2007 but I'm just reviewing them as I read them. My memory being what it is the month I read them is just an approximation and I probably read up to four novels in any given month so this is just an ensemble of what comes to mind as I type.

January - The Sexual Life of Catherine M. - I picked this book up dirt cheap as it was on clearance at the local bookstore and have to admit that I was drawn in by the title and the sensationalism of the quotes on the back of the book....I wasn't disappointed. In short it's a sexual life review written by a French artist called Catherine Millet. She holds nothing back and happily recalls her many exploits. It's kind of funny the way she speaks very blase about being butt-fucked while sucking dick, or recounting her experiences at orgies, or with married men and then with their wives and then both together. Whether it be in public, behind closed doors or somewhere in between this is a no-holds-barred account of a woman who is very secure in her sexuality. Worth a read. Recommended.

Crisis on Infinite Earths - Marv Wolfman is an age old comic book writer who sometimes ventures out into the world of the prose novel. In this particular novel he tells us the story of The Flash and how he has to avert the multiverse (multiple universes) from being destroyed. With appearances from almost every DC comic hero you can think of (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woma etc) this story isn't as confusing as I expected it to be. Written in very short chapters it's also easy to pack a few chapters into a quick tea-break. Decent enough book that passes the time.

February - Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors at the Playboy Mansion - I guess I was perving at the beginning of the year as I followed up the sexual biography with one that isn't too far away from the same genre. This is the story of Izabella St James a girl raised in the Playboy mansion by her father....Heff's personal physician. Here she recounts the drug filled, sex filled, party filled days that she lived as a teenager growing up in the Playboy Mansion. If you've ever watched 'Girls Next Door' then you might be surprised to find that this book is a world away from the playful life that Kendra, Bridgett and Holly lead. Dishing out the dirt on the inside goings on this is actually a sad read about a childhood innocence lost in a world of adults. An interesting read. Recommended.

March - Moonshine - After reading Rob Thurman's initial offering, Nightlife, I couldn't wait to delve into the follow-up. Perhaps my expectations were too high as I didn't enjoy this one as much as the original. Don't get me wrong...it was still a highly enjoyable read and kept me interested in a genre that I don't usually find enjoyment in. Though it lacked the originality of the first book but it was polished and addictive and I will definitely be reading the third installment next year. Highly recommended but not as much as the first which is a definite 'must read' novel.

April - Down These Mean Streets - Keith RA DeCandido is a writer whose works I have always enjoyed and this Spider-Man novel was no exception. It differed from most Spider-Man novels in that the emphasis was more on Peter Parker than the web-slinger himself. The ending somewhat let this book down but the characterization was great and the story flowed nice and smoothly and it's certainly a world away from the terrible offerings of Spider-Man's past prose offerings (I'm looking at you Diane Duane). Loved the front cover artwork too. Recommended if you're a Spidey fan.

May - Hellboy: The Dragon Pool - If there's a writer who can traverse different genres and characters and make the novels great for all of them then Christopher Golden is the man. This year's Hellboy offering was no exception. From beginning to end I couldn't put this book down and although I enjoyed his previous Hellboy novels more this was still an awesome read as well as a very welcome read after the previous Hellboy prose offering (The God Machine by Thomas E. Sniegoski) which was abysmal on so many levels. An easy read that's very much recommended.

June - Wolverine: Lifeblood - It's hard for me to be objective about a Wolverine novel as I love the character of Wolverine so much. Even so, I still think that this was a great read from a writer I had never heard of...namely, Hugh Matthews. Dealing with Wolverine's past and his quest to find out who he is Wolverine infiltrates a Nazi concentration camp to rescue an old friend. Repeatedly 'killed' Wolverine keeps coming back for more due to his mutant healing ability and eventually takes all his frustrations out on the Nazi officers who are conducting experiments on the Jews. Topical and fantastic this is an excellent read.

Demonology

2008-02-19T09:53:00.001-05:00

I'm back in the regular universe for this blog or as regular as this universe can be. With mysteries such as UFOs and demonic possession etc it's fair to say that our universe, or at least our planet, isn't so regular at all. Problem is that society revolves around capitalism which is just another name for 'slavery'. Sure, the masters are the big corporations and they're not actively whipping us but the concept remains the same...work for someone rich, do what they ask and earn just enough to get by. When not subjugated by capitalism society is busy killing each other on a small level or a full blown war. How does the saying go, "Kill a man and you're a murderer...kill many and you're a conquerer...kill them all and you're a god." The sad thing is that if demons exist and can control individuals then perhaps we just need to exorcise society to be able to entertain the concept of a utopia.

What if demons could be channeled and a demon of greed, for instance, could be utilized to generate lots of wealth to feed the hungry? Perhaps humans aren't evil at all and they're just controlled into doing bad things. Of course, there's never any real studies that delve into such things and parapsychology barely scratches the surface of a demon/individual relationship. Maybe we could learn to control them instead of the the demons controlling us...like a harnessing of energy that can be used in a positive way.
It might seem far fetched but what if, for example, a demon of arrogance could be called upon and utilized by a person with social anxiety disorder so that they get the confidence they need to shine in life? How about a person with no libido calling upon a demon of lust to bring back the old spark? Sounds crazy but if demons are real, and I believe they are, then further study of the correlation between human actions and demonology should be studied.
Before you dismiss it out of hand let me quote a line from the movie 'The Usual Suspects' give or take a few words since it's been years since I watched that movie:

"The greatest trick the devil has ever pulled is convincing people he doesn't exist."

Makes you think, doesn't it?

The alternate universe blog.

2008-02-19T09:52:00.000-05:00

Finally....Liverpool just stuffed Man Utd 4-0 after playing them off the pitch. It was nothing more than we deserved and makes a change from Utd being outclassed then scoring a lucky goal to win. No bad refereeing decisions, no costly mistakes and no endless toil with nothing to show for it. Finally!
In other news I just got a new job which pays me a base salary of $500,000 a year. It's really stressful, hence the salary, but hopefully I can cope. Basically I have to apply a new type of oil to female breasts which makes them a bit firmer and softer...it's very popular amongst female models, strippers and porn stars. The application of the oil is a very delicate procedure and has required six months of training. Also the amount of oil has to be just perfect as too much can cause the breasts to become like rock and too little has no effect...the complexity of the application and oil amount is akin to brain surgery in it's complexity and that's why it's so well paid. Currently the scientific department is working on a variant of the oil for thighs, butt and vagina....so there's plenty of upward mobility in this career and even though it's challenging I'm looking forward to applying those future oils to all those body parts. Yes, it's a tough job but someone has got to do it.
Man, I'm a bit worn out today and to tell you the truth I'm not sure I can cope any more. The problem? My wife keeps bringing hot women into bed with us and while it was great to begin with I'm just physically exhausted after two months of constant sex with insatiable nymphomaniacs. Two, three, four, five at one time has the old tongue and dick worn out and while it's a wonderful tiredness there's only so much a man can take. I'm going to have to speak to her about just watching her and the other women for a while...hope she doesn't take it badly.
Wooohoooooo!!! My oil stocks are up again. Great news.
Hey, I'm going to have to finish up this blog as I need to fly out to Brazil to meet with some female clients and I don't want to be late for my flight. From there I'm taking a week off and going on a shopping spree in Toronto.
Speak to you all when I get back.
Peace.

I hate...

2008-02-19T09:51:00.000-05:00

* People who have to give the cashier the exact amount of change regardless of how many people they're holding up behind them. I don't care about you getting a couples of pennies back when it saves five minutes where you root around your pockets/bag/purse searching for the right amount. Get a life you exact change people.
* The isles in Safeway. Safeway has had a makeover and now their isles are about the width of one and a half shopping carts which makes getting past someone impossible. Safeway isle designers you are a bunch of fuckwits who I will hate forever as I'm forever getting stuck behind old ladies who walk at the pace of a snail and spend an age picking something off the shelves as they have to read the contents of every box/can/package. Die already all you old people. Die too all you Safeway isle designers.
* People who don't understand that in a movie store the DVD case on the shelf that says, "Display Box Only" doesn't contain a movie. What part of "Display Box Only" do you retards not understand?
* Hispanic people who ask me in very poor English whether I speak Espanol! Listen up....this is America not freakin' Mexico. If I was in Mexico then you would be forgiven for wanting me to be able to speak Spanish but here in the US of A English is spoken so learn the language and stop complaining in your native tongue when no-one can help you out due to a language barrier.
* Loud cell phone speaking people and especially the ones who use the earpiece. I don't want to hear half a conversation and, in fact, I don't want to hear any of your conversation so turn down your foghorn voice and keep your conversation private...and don't dare sit next to me on the bus.
* Baths. They're not long enough (were baths invented by midgets?), not wide enough and laying back against the ice-cold slope no matter what the temperature of the bathroom is takes more courage than I have. Showers rock!
* People who wear shorts in cold weather. Why the hell are these type of people bundled up in big coats and a hat when they're wearing shorts? What's with that? Weird freaks.
* I only bother with you once a year by sending a Christmas Card type of people. Look, if you're that type of person who can't be bothered contacting me throughout the other 364 days in the year then don't bother sending me a lame ass Xmas card. Odds are I haven't been in touch with you all year round and that's probably because I don't want to know you. If I did I would have emailed/called/visited you sometime throughout the year. So leave me alone!
* Cheese wrappers. I get a block of cheese. It fits tightly in it's packaging. I open and cut slices of cheese. The wrapping now doesn't fit around it anymore? Eh? WTF? How can it not be fully covered when there's now less cheese. Someone pass me the phone as I'm calling Mulder & Scully.